Relationships go Sideways When Vulnerability is One Way

The statement "vulnerability is our greatest strength," is almost cliche at this point, but like many cliches there is a grain of truth in it.

Being vulnerable is great to a point, but it becomes a major weakness when only one person in a discussion is willing to be vulnerable.

Whether there are two or 90 people in the conversation if there isn't a shared level of vulnerability the other people in the discussion will turn on the person who is being vulnerable and at least think if not outright say, "well, clearly this is all your fault." That puts us into a cycle of nonsense that ends with the person being vulnerable feeling hurt and likely defensive, while the others leave feeling superior with a great sense that they are in the right.

Leading with vulnerability in a small way can create more rapport and it's a good experiment to discover if the other person(s) are willing to reciprocate. If they aren't, stop and address your sense of a vulnerability imbalance gently. From experience this sounds simple, but isn't easy. My mindset in these situations is that someone who is genuinely willing to have a long term relationship with me should respond at least respectfully if not positively to my sincere, gentle observation about vulnerability imbalance in our conversation.

If the other person doesn't respond well we get to choose if we want to continue the interaction much less the relationship. To paraphrase, David Sandler we have the right to be treated as an equal in every interaction with another person.

To be vulnerable is to be strong, but not when there's no reciprocity.

Until next time... go lead.