The Joys of Success and Failures in 2023

"And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in." (Haruki Murakami-Kafka on the Shore)

In 2023, my journey unfolded as a rollercoaster of successes and failures. While this narrative can't fully capture the joys experienced, the pains endured, and the profound lessons gleaned from failure, it does offer insights that may resonate with others who have undergone similar journeys or may face them in the future.

The year commenced with a notable triumph—the securing of the #NUMUN Fund for Feminist Tech. This grant empowered our team to utilize AI and creative art through TransHelp in the fight against gender-based violence. Despite the challenges, we forged ahead, building momentum against all odds. Additionally, our pursuit of grants yielded positive outcomes, earning our initiative a coveted spot as a finalist in a prestigious startup competition organized by Princeton University and IBS-Americas. Though I ultimately did not secure the funding, it remains a joyful moment, validating the recognition of my innovative ideas.

Simultaneously managing two PhDs, I completed my doctoral degree at the age of 35—fulfilling a decision made while in South Korea back in 2017. I think this was one of the unique experiences when the doctoral committee member from Tsinghua University said "Congratulations Dr. Khan, you are officially a Ph.D. now". I felt like all my efforts, sleepless nights, and living away from family were paid off. Perhaps not for others, this personal milestone indeed was a culmination of years of dedicated effort and a passion for academic pursuits and self-capacity development.

However, besides these joyful events, the year 2023 also brought several failures and its share of challenges and pain.

The abandonment of summer funding at Northeastern, which I perceived as a "breach" of contract, extended beyond the academic and professional realms, impacting my well-being. The strain of being away from home and visa restrictions to work in the USA, further affected my mental health, leading to several months of hospitalization. Even after recovery, I continue to read "consistent rejections" from academic positions, editorial staff, and fellowships, realizing that strong academic or professional credentials alone may not suffice—it is the "network" and "representation" that significantly elevates one's profile in this country. Consequently, decades of experience, brought from the global south in managing research and academic programs, that I took pride in seemed elusive.

Yet, 2023 imparted valuable lessons. A clear distinction between expectation and reality, between advocating justice and equity and its practice, and navigating academia versus the practitioner world became evident. The realization that #DEIJ principles are often rhetoric rather than practice highlighted the importance of working to raise our voices against systematic biases, academic nepotism, and discrimination and building coalitions in addressing these challenges together. The pursuit to build networks, and employ the (buzz)words that "these employers" want to hear, followed by the acquisition of new skills in data analytics emerged as a crucial adaptation to meet the evolving demands of this populist landscape.

Likewise, embracing a strategy of lowering expectations became essential for preserving my mental health followed by recognizing the significance of networks as "net-worth", especially in the face of biases, both in academia and the real world, became apparent.

Amidst challenges, the lesson is to keep striving! While I acknowledged that securing funding is all about "what they (donor) seeks", producing proposals or research that truly matters to humanity, and prioritizing research with real-world impact over editorial journals is still a guiding ethos. This snapshot of 2023 encapsulates a journey but signifies the strength forged in 2023 to become the foundation for continued growth, adaptability, and an unwavering commitment to the continuous pursuit of meaningful impact.