Exhaustion & Wholeheartedness

“Tell me about exhaustion,” I said.

He looked at me with an acute, searching, compassionate ferocity for the briefest of moments, as if trying to sum up the entirety of the situation and without missing a beat, as if he had been waiting all along, to say a life-changing thing to me. He said, in the form both of a question and an assertion:

“You know that the antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest?”

“The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest,” I repeated woodenly, as if I might exhaust myself completely before I reached the end of the sentence. “What is it, then?”

“The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”

David Whyte in Crossing the Unknown Sea (p. 132)

If you are like me, you may have found yourself tired throughout these past 20 months of the pandemic. I’m not just talking about a weariness of social distancing, masking, limited travel and not seeing loved ones. There is this looming paranoia with everyone's cough, sneeze, or runny nose (including our own), as well as concern over the last person with COVID we might have encountered. This is a deeper tired, I believe, like an exhaustion with life as we are living it right now. It can come in a wave or season when life is very difficult, as outside circumstances press in on us. It can also come from the way in which we have chosen to live our lives in general and how we are responding through the struggles that we face. In David Whyte’s case, it came as he gave himself to a good cause; yet, it was not where his heart, at its deepest level, wanted to be.

In healthcare, the pandemic has been similar to a heated purifier for many. As healthcare professionals faced the onslaught of rising cases and now look ahead into an unknown future, it has been easy to get overwhelmed. Yet, within these circumstances comes a chance to reflect on what is most important in life and how we live through it. Remember, as Whyte’s friend asserts, the fatigue from our life’s labors (no matter the service) can grant us insight into the values those labors truly bring. The antidote for this fatigue (exhaustion) is not necessarily rest; it’s wholeheartedness. 

Of course we need rest to stay healthy, but how do we know when it is more than rest that we need? For me, it is when the rest becomes restless. It's when I’m going to bed on time but am waking in the wee hours of the morning to a mind racing (like on a treadmill) with a multitude of thoughts, preventing sleep. When this happens, how do I (we) respond? This is a time to remember Who holds our hearts and how we are called to live with wholeheartedness. As we live into this, may we remember Isaiah's words:

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:31

May we, with God’s help, live with wholeheartedness!