As Hadoop applications move into cloud deployments, object stores become more and more the source and destination of data. But object stores are not filesystems: sometimes they are slower; security is different, What are the secret settings to get maximum performance from queries against data living in cloud object stores? That's at the filesystem client, the file format and the query engine layers? It's even how you lay out the files —the directory structure and the names you give them. We know these things, from our work in all these layers, from the benchmarking we've done —and the support calls we get when people have problems. And now: we'll show you. This talk will start from the ground up "why isn't an object store a filesystem?" issue, showing how that breaks fundamental assumptions in code, and so causes performance issues which you don't get when working with HDFS. We'll look at the ways to get Apache Hive and Spark to work better, looking at optimizations which have been done to enable this —and what work is ongoing. Finally, we'll consider what your own code needs to do in order to adapt to cloud execution.