#WOBWednesday: Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!

Two years ago, I was the captain of a group of coaches in an emotional intelligence program. One of the master trainers we worked with, Jorge Haddock, made a key distinction between concept and experience that I find myself reflecting on and sharing a lot lately. Given the value is has created for me, I thought I would share my understanding of it here with you.

Simply put, how you are being as a person is an experience; it is not a concept.

You may say you are…inclusive, collaborative, understanding, courageous, thoughtful, whatever…but if others don’t actually experience you being that way, well, you’re simply not.

I recall once hearing Oprah say that love is not words, it’s actions. She was getting at the same truth.

A concept is “something conceived in the mind, a thought or notion.” It is an “abstract or generic idea,” according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary. An experience, in contrast, is “something personally encountered, undergone, or lived through.” That means my Ways of BEING (WOBs) are an experience I create for myself and others. They are not a concept.

Have you ever had this happen? You’re talking to someone and they say something and you understand the words they are speaking, but you realize you do not get what they actually mean. That is the difference between concept—an idea—and experience—I get it, I’ve been there, I feel you.

For example, I may have a concept of what it means to be caring and label myself using this word, but if others do not feel cared for by me, I am only caring as a concept.

Ways of BEING are practices, not concepts. They are lived experiences, not ideas.

So, if you want to know how you are being, ask others how they experience you. You may be surprised what you discover.

If you claim to be committed to an ideal (like freedom or justice or equality), are you willing to live it such that others personally witness you embodying it?

Are you living the values, vision, principles you espouse in ways others directly encounter? Or do those values, vision, principles exist merely as notions in your mind? Good ideas to talk about.

I find myself asking this last question on a regular basis as I witness in myself and the people around me the gap between what we say and what we do, what we claim to believe and care about and how we actually behave.

“Put your money where your mouth is.”

As kids, this was a common thing my friends and I would say to each other when we were daring one another to do what we said.

Now as an adult, I see that we children inherently understood this distinction between concept and experience. This is what Great Thunberg is pointing to as she takes on heads of state who claim to care about climate change (in concept) but are taking little action to do anything about it (in practice). She does not experience them (us) caring. And she wants us to put our money where our mouths are.

So I leave you with this: What experience do you want others to have of you? And are you willing to put your money where your mouth is to make that so?