Why Rejection Hurts: And How to Deal with It

Rejecting others and being rejected can be either right or wrong, depending on the motive and manner in which it is carried out. Biblically, there are times when rejection is necessary, such as protecting oneself from unwarranted harm or ungodly influence (Matt 7:6; 1 Cor 15:33). However, rejection becomes wrong when it is rooted in pride, prejudice, or a lack of compassion (Jam 2:1-9). I will address some healthy reasons for rejection at the end of this article, but first, I want to address the pain associated with wrongful rejection and how we can deal with it.

Why Rejection Hurts

Rejection hurts, and there’s a reason for it. When we’re wrongfully rejected, something fundamental to our design feels violated. It’s not just a psychological inconvenience; it’s a disruption of a relational need wired into our humanity. From the very beginning, the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). From a biblical perspective, we understand that people are made in the image of God (Gen 1:27), and God Himself is relational—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in eternal fellowship (John 17:5, 24). When people wrongfully exclude us, ignore us, or turn their backs on us, something deep within us feels the pain. It’s not just a bruised ego—it’s the ache of a heart made for love, fellowship, and acceptance. Acceptance is linked to approval and a sense of belonging or security, especially in relationships that carry authority or influence. Barber notes:

"The pain of rejection is very personal. It is also persistent and if not handled properly can have far-reaching effects on our lives. Rejection results from a denial of approval, affection, or recognition by an emotionally significant person or group. If we are unable to cope with our feelings of rejection adequately, they can undermine our sense of worth, corrode our confidence, and give rise to insecurity, helplessness, and frustration."[1]

Isaiah tells us that Jesus “Was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; He was like someone people turned away from; He was despised” (Isa 53:3). The Lord Jesus knows the pain of rejection. Isaiah calls Him “a man of sorrows,” not because He was somber or gloomy, but because He carried the sorrows of a broken world—including the sorrow of being rejected. John tells us that Jesus “came to His own, and they did not receive Him” (John 1:11). By the end of His ministry, Jesus expressed sorrow over those He loved, yet they had rejected Him (Matt 23:37). According to Richards, “Jesus knew the pain of rejection, and the hurt of ridicule. Jesus knew feelings of abandonment and felt the anger of those whose hearts fed on hate. In all this, Jesus suffered.”[2]

Rejection hurts—especially when it comes from someone we admire or respect, like a parent, teacher, or spiritual mentor. When people we look up to affirm us, it strengthens our sense of worth and stability. But when they withhold that affirmation—or worse, turn away—it can shake our confidence and stir up all kinds of emotional turmoil. If we’re not careful, rejection—real or imagined—can lead to resentment, bitterness, and a sinful pattern of self-protection that builds walls instead of bridges. But there’s a better way. Instead of feeding the hurt, we can bring our pain to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to heal the wounds no one else sees. By faith, we can choose to respond—not with anger or coldness—but with grace, humility, and love. That’s exactly what Paul did. When everyone deserted him at his first defense (2 Tim 4:16), he didn’t lash out or hold a grudge. He simply said, “May it not be counted against them” (2 Tim 4:16b). That’s similar to the words of Jesus on the cross and Stephen when being stoned (Luke 23:34; Acts 7:60). Grace is stronger than resentment, and love leaves no room for bitterness.

How to Deal with Rejection

Rejection is a difficult part of life, and Christians, though loved and chosen by God, are not immune. Whether it’s personal rejection, ministry opposition, or simply being misunderstood, it can wound deeply. But Scripture provides us with solid, faith-driven ways to respond that are rooted in truth rather than emotion.

First, we must choose to live by faith, not by feelings. Rejection often stirs up emotions of worthlessness, fear, or resentment—but feelings are not reliable indicators of truth. Scripture calls us to “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7), and that includes not walking by how we feel. Faith clings to what God has said, not what the world says or how the soul may tremble in the moment. When feelings shout “You’re not enough,” faith calmly replies, “I am accepted in the Beloved” (Eph 1:6). Faith is the key. As Christians, we live in a physical and spiritual realm at the same time. It is a dual reality. The Christian life involves living by faith in unseen realities while navigating a world that often hits hard in visible, physical, and emotionally bruising ways. When we experience human rejection, it happens in the physical world, and the pain is relational, social, emotional, physical, and personal. Rejection is often immediate and sensory, while the approval of God is eternal and spiritual, discerned by faith, and applied through His Word (2 Cor 5:7; Heb 11:1). God’s presence doesn’t always come with visible gestures or audible words. His smile is not on a face we can see—but it is real nonetheless, as communicated in the promises of Scripture.

This is where spiritual maturity finds its footing—not in the absence of pain, but in the resolve to interpret life through the lens of God’s Word rather than feelings or circumstances. The apostle Paul, for example, suffered physical beatings (2 Cor 11:23-28), social slander (2 Cor 6:8), and personal abandonment (2 Tim 4:16), yet he wrote with confidence, “Since God is for us, who is against us?” (Rom 8:31). He did not deny the pain but elevated the truth. God’s Word became more real to him than the chains on his wrists or the pain in his heart. As Christians, we must learn to apply Scripture to our situation, to bring the unseen reality of God’s acceptance and love into the very arena where human rejection stings. It’s a discipline of faith—a spiritual defiance against the tyranny of experience. God does not forget His people (Isa 49:15-16), and He does not fail to smile upon us (Num 6:25).

Second, we must seek the Lord in prayer. Samuel is a good example of someone who felt the sting of rejection, and handled it by means of prayer and divine viewpoint thinking. Samuel was a great leader and judge over Israel, but when he grew older, the elders of Israel gathered and said to him, “Behold, you have grown old, and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint a king for us to judge us like all the nations” (1 Sam 8:5). This was rejection, plain and simple—and it hurt. The text tells us, “But the thing was displeasing in the sight of Samuel” (1 Sam 8:6a). Yet Samuel acted wisely, as a mature believer, for we are told, “Samuel prayed to the LORD” (1 Sam 8:6b). Here is wisdom. God revealed to Samuel that the people’s rejection was not directed at him, but ultimately at the Lord, who told him, “They have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them” (1 Sam 8:7). Barber notes, “This new perspective took the sting out of what had happened and kept Samuel from nursing a grievance. God’s words reassured him of his standing before Him.”[3] Prayer allowed Samuel to bring his burden before the Lord and to cast his cares upon Him (1 Pet 5:6-7). This enabled Samuel to process the situation, address the injustice, and express his emotions honestly in the Lord’s presence. Rather than stew in anger, he entrusted the matter to God—and the Lord handled it. Even when others reject us, God remains. He has promised, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb 13:5). The Lord walks with us, and He is for us (Rom 8:31).

Third, view rejection as an opportunity for spiritual growth. James tells us to “consider it all joy” when we encounter trials, for they produce endurance and maturity (Jas 1:2-4). Rejection can deepen our dependence on the Lord, refine our character, and focus our priorities. Paul wrote, “we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). This kind of response is done by faith and not feelings, as we frame the suffering—whether rejection or something else—from the divine perspective as something useful to the Lord to develop and shape us into the people He wants us to be. God wants us to grow up, not just grow old, and the trials of life are sometimes used as His vehicle to bring us where He wants, so that we are better and not bitter.

Fourth, we must respond with grace rather than bitterness. When others insult us, ignore us, or mistreat us, the natural response is to strike back, sulk, or stew in silent anger. But Jesus calls us to something higher, saying, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28). That’s not weakness—it’s the strength of grace. When we bless instead of blast, when we pray instead of plot, we’re walking in the footsteps of our Savior. Peter reminds us that even when Jesus was unjustly treated, “He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23). Jesus didn’t need to defend Himself because He had already placed Himself in the care of the One who judges all things justly. This should be our pattern. When we’re wronged, we don’t have to carry the gavel—we can leave the judgment to God. Our part is to guard our hearts from the slow poison of bitterness. When we choose grace over a grudge, it not only honors the Lord, it keeps us free from the weight of anger, the burden of revenge, and the trap of self-pity. Anyone can return insult for insult, but only Spirit-filled believers can return good for evil (Rom 12:21). This honors the Lord and keeps our hearts free from the corrosion of resentment.

When Rejection is Valid

Rejection, at times, is not only valid, but deserved. If we’re living unwisely, acting like fools, stirring up strife, or harming others—whether through words, actions, or attitudes—it should come as no surprise when people take a few steps back. And honestly, they should. God has not called us to be victims of our own bad decisions, nor has He asked others to applaud our folly (Prov 14:7; 22:10). When people set healthy boundaries to guard their own spiritual, emotional, or even physical well-being from our arrogance or recklessness, they’re not being mean—they’re being wise (Prov 13:20; 27:12). Grace does not mean enabling sin, and love does not mean tolerating abuse. There’s a time to walk with someone—and a time to walk away (Eccl 3:5b).

There are times when rejection is not about someone else’s selfishness, but about our own need for correction. If we gossip, manipulate, lash out, or drain others with constant negativity or entitlement, it’s wisdom—not cruelty—when someone says, “No more.” That’s not rejection rooted in hatred or pride; it’s discernment born out of a love for peace and righteousness (Prov 22:10). Sometimes the wisest thing someone can do is step away. And we need to be mature enough to recognize that not all rejection is persecution. Some of it is wise preservation.

Personally, when I have been foolish (which has been many times), God has used rejection as a corrective tool to help shape my character, prune my pride, and teach me the value of humility, wisdom, and relational integrity. There have been numerous occasions where I’ve had to humble myself, admit my folly to others, accept the consequences of my actions, and seek forgiveness and restoration. That realization—painful as it is—can open the door to real change and healthier relationships.

In conclusion, rejection is painful, but it’s not purposeless. Whether it comes from others unjustly or results from our own folly, God can use it to teach, correct, and mature us. The key is how we respond. When we bring our wounds to the Lord, walk by faith in His Word, and choose grace over bitterness, rejection becomes a refining fire—not a consuming one. In God’s hands, even rejection can become transformative.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

[1] Cyril J. Barber, The Books of Samuel: The Sovereignty of God Illustrated in the Lives of Samuel, Saul, and David, vol. One (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2003), 99.

[2] Lawrence O. Richards, The Teacher’s Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1987), 1032.

[3] Cyril J. Barber, The Books of Samuel, 103.