When Kids with Disabilities are Excluded, The Results Can be Painful

According to UNICEF’s website, “children with disabilities are among the most marginalized people in every society.”  The barriers such children face are “rooted in stigma and discrimination that reflect negative perceptions of disability associated with ableism: a system of beliefs, norms and practices that devalues people with disabilities…Children with disabilities often work hard to accommodate themselves to an inaccessible world that excludes them.”

Those words took on greater meaning for me in light of a recent incident involving my 12-year-old daughter, Nadhi, who has Down Syndrome.  In a world that typically focuses first on what’s “wrong” with those with disabilities, this episode brought into stark relief the challenges kids like Nadhi often face simply being recognized for their achievements.

Earlier this year, my wife and I enrolled Nadhi in a well-known after-school educational program to improve her math skills.  Nadhi attended diligently for several months, making slow but noticeable progress in focusing and independently completing work—goals that, for Nadhi, were just as important as mastering addition and subtraction.  The Director of the program, as well as several instructors, praised Nadhi’s tenacity and discipline. 

In mid-August, the Director informed us that an awards ceremony was planned for the students and that Nadhi would be recognized for her progress along with her peers.  On the day of the ceremony, my family and I arrived early and awaited the moment Nadhi ascended the stage to be honored by the assembled guests.  We sat respectfully throughout the event, applauding the youngsters receiving trophies for their academic achievements and listening to many accolades on behalf of the program and its educators.

After almost two hours, the final group of students was announced.  Nadhi’s name was not among them.  The Director then thanked attendees for coming, congratulated all the students, and concluded the ceremony.  There was loud applause and laughter as kids celebrated with their families and friends.

Our hearts sank when Nadhi asked, “What about me?" Her disappointment prompted me to ascend the stage and inquire if there was anything for her, at which point the Director hung a medal around her neck.  Nadhi smiled broadly as we congratulated her but the Director’s gesture felt like a hollow and perfunctory afterthought.  In that moment, I felt anger, frustration, and disappointment.  But mostly, I felt sad. 

The oversight was no doubt an honest mistake but I can’t help reflecting on the impact it had on me.  Until that moment, I had never considered how often kids with disabilities are excluded from conversations, activities, play—and yes, awards ceremonies.  How often do their accomplishments go unrecognized because they are perceived as less valid or impressive than those of their typically developing peers?  How much harder do kids like Nadhi have to work to be seen, heard, appreciated, acknowledged, and commended? 

I believe the incident described above provides a valuable lesson for a country that has only recently begun to recognize the value of diversity, equity, and inclusion in society.  As we continue to move the needle on that important initiative, we must remain equally vigilant against the biases—both overt and implicit—that kids with disabilities may face every day in schools and other organizations that cater to their education.  At the start of a new school year, it is imperative that those responsible for our children’s welfare are mindful that the progress of a student with disabilities is equally deserving of recognition as his or her peers, and that everyone is entitled to dignity, appreciation and respect regardless of aptitude.