The Unbearable Slightness of Being Critiqued

When I first started on my entrepreneurial journey, I would sometimes reach out to other folks in my field to network, learn more about how they got started, and perhaps glean some words of wisdom about how to travel down this bumpy road.

On one such Skype call, we began with introductions and a bit of background about how we got into this line of work. After we each spoke and engaged in some small talk, the coach told me that she wanted to give me “a gift,” and asked that I take a deep breath.

I took a breath. There was a pause.

She said that at the beginning of the call, I wasn’t very clear about my objective and what I wanted to get out of the conversation. Secondly, I spoke too quickly, gave too much personal history, and wasn’t succinct enough.

Ouch.

At first I was stunned (but I guess I was warned to take a breath). My intention was to hear about how she set up and ran her business, not get critiqued! I moved quickly on to anger, but my ‘southern manners / don’t burn bridges’ self kicked in and I thanked her for being frank, wrapped up the call, and hung up.

 What just happened?

 I felt attacked. Was she right? Could I have been clearer at the start? Was my origin story too long? Probably.

Was I in the best frame of mind to receive that information without context or the slightest display of empathy? Definitely not.

While I didn’t enter into the conversation expecting a critique, it did allow me to take a step into the shoes of my workshop participants.

 Taking criticism isn’t easy.

As Sheryl Sandberg says in “Lean In”:

Even when I have solicited feedback, any judgment can feel harsh. But the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

Keeping in mind what you’ve got to gain can help assuage feeling stung.

 The things I work to remind myself about criticism:

  - Be kind to others when giving it.

- Be kind to yourself when receiving it.

- Take what’s useful, make a change if needed and move on.