The Three Leaders: Anxious, Avoidant, and Narcissistic – A Workplace Tale of Attachment Styles

The New CEO’s Dilemma

When Amanda took over as CEO of BrightWave Consulting, she inherited an impressive leadership team. They had experience, technical expertise, and a track record of success. But something was off. Teams weren’t collaborating, employee satisfaction was low, and despite individual talent, the company wasn’t reaching its full potential.

She needed to figure out why.

Amanda chose to observe her executive team in action. It didn’t take long before she noticed three distinct leadership styles that were causing friction. She labeled them in her notes: The Anxious One, The Avoidant One, and The Narcissist.

Each had strengths. Each had weaknesses. Each needed to change to ensure BrightWave thrived.

The Anxious Leader: Emma, the People-Pleaser

Emma was the company’s Chief Operating Officer. She was passionate about her work, deeply invested in her team, and always the first to arrive and the last to leave. Employees loved her. However, Amanda noticed a problem: Emma appeared terrified of disappointing others.

She hesitated before making decisions, constantly seeking input from everyone. After meetings, she would follow up with employees one-on-one, asking, "Did I handle that well?" She took criticism personally, replaying every piece of feedback long after others had moved on.

Strengths Emma Brought to the Table

✅ Loyal and Hardworking – Emma was dedicated to the company and its employees.

✅ Strong Team Player – She embraced collaboration and made sure that everyone felt heard.

✅ Empathetic Leadership – Employees recognized that Emma cared about them, solidifying her as a trusted figure.

Challenges Emma Faced

❌ Need for Reassurance – Her indecisiveness hindered projects and frustrated colleagues.

❌ Overreacting to Criticism – Feedback sent her spiraling into self-doubt.

❌ Difficulty with Boundaries – Emma often overextended herself, frequently at the cost of her own well-being.

Amanda’s Takeaway:

Emma’s emotional intelligence was an asset, but she needed to have more faith in herself. Amanda collaborated with her to establish clearer boundaries and to make decisions without overly depending on approval.

The Avoidant Leader: Mark, the Lone Wolf

Mark, the Chief Financial Officer, was brilliant with numbers. His reports were flawless, his forecasts accurate, and his ability to make tough financial calls was unmatched. But when it came to people? A different story.

During executive meetings, Mark rarely spoke unless directly asked. When employees approached him with concerns, he kept responses short, often saying, "Handle it yourself." He didn’t make small talk, check in on employees, or see the point in “all this feelings stuff.”

One afternoon, Amanda asked him for feedback on a new hiring policy. Mark barely glanced up from his laptop. “It doesn’t matter what I think. You’ll do what you want anyway.”

She realized that Mark wasn’t just detached; he was dismissive avoidant.

Strengths Mark Brought to the Table

✅ Self-Sufficient – He needed minimal oversight and excelled in working independently.

✅ Logical Decision-Maker – Mark was not influenced by emotions, which made him rational and strategic.

✅ Resistant to Stress – While others panicked, he stayed calm under pressure.

Challenges Mark Faced

❌ Lack of Team Engagement – His detachment created a rift between him and his team.

❌ Poor Communication – His brief, dismissive responses left people feeling confused.

❌ Dismissive of Feedback – Mark didn’t think he needed to make any changes.

Amanda’s Takeaway:

Mark’s analytical mind was valuable, but his leadership style alienated his team. Amanda encouraged him to engage in more one-on-one conversations with employees and take small steps toward collaboration.

The Narcissistic Leader: Daniel, the Charismatic Risk-Taker

Then there was Daniel. As Chief Marketing Officer, he was undeniably skilled. Clients adored him for his compelling presentations, ability to close high-stakes deals, and magnetic presence. Employees, however, held a different perspective.

Daniel claimed credit for successes but shifted blame for failures onto others. He dismissed concerns about unrealistic deadlines, asserting, “That’s just an excuse. Winners find a way.” When his team launched a last-minute campaign, he celebrated publicly but privately told Amanda, “They couldn’t have achieved it without my vision.”

Amanda recognized Daniel for who he truly was: a high-functioning narcissist.

Strengths Daniel Brought to the Table

✅ Charismatic Leadership – Daniel’s confidence inspired others.

✅ Resilient and Fearless – He took bold risks and advanced the company.

✅ Highly Ambitious – His drive for success meant he never accepted mediocrity.

Challenges Daniel Faced

❌ Lack of Empathy – His indifference toward others led to high turnover.

❌ Manipulative and Controlling – He twisted situations to advance his own agenda.

❌ Inability to Accept Criticism – Any challenge to his ideas was met with defensiveness or blame.

Daniel’s ambition and charm were valuable assets, but his lack of humility and empathy negatively impacted the team. Amanda established a 360-degree feedback system to allow employees to provide input without fear of retaliation.

What Amanda Learned – And What Every Business Leader Should Know

Observing her team, Amanda realized something crucial: No one attachment style is inherently bad or good. Each leader had strengths that, when properly balanced, could be game-changers.

So, she made a plan:

• For Anxious Leaders Like Emma → She encouraged confidence-building exercises and helped her set more precise boundaries.

• For Avoidant Leaders Like Mark, she offered communication training and encouraged him to connect more with his team.

• For Narcissistic Leaders Like Daniel, she established feedback loops and linked rewards. to team success, not just individual achievements.

Amanda transformed the company culture by recognizing these attachment styles and adjusting leadership strategies. Employees felt heard, valued, and supported. Over time, BrightWave Consulting became more powerful than ever.

Final Thought

If you’re a leader, HR professional, or business owner, ask yourself:

Do you have an Emma, a Mark, or a Daniel on your team?

Better yet—which one are you?

Recognizing attachment styles in the workplace involves not just managing personalities but also leveraging strengths, addressing blind spots, and building a leadership team that thrives.

Your business depends on it.