Scoring cold outreach

Here's the latest outreach I received and I've provided scoring and commentary on the good and bad points in bold.

Hi Rusty,

I see you've been at CAMBRO Services since 2014, helping companies create consistent, growing, and profitable revenue streams. (+1. OK they scraped my latest role and took my tagline)

With your 25+ years of B2B and B2G sales leadership experience, I imagine the admin work required to support those long 6-24 month sales cycles can really add up. (+2. They tied the overhead of admin work to the complexity of long sales cycles. That's good.)

Does your team ever feel bogged down by manual HR, IT, and finance tasks? (-5. I'm a soloprenuer. There is no team. Just look at LI for the number of people in my company. This also means no HR and the IT and finance is minimal. This statement screams out automation without a review.)

It's a common pain point, especially in the wireless industry where you're working with complex partner ecosystems. (-3. I haven't been in the wireless industry in 4 years)

XXX automates those workflows, so you can stay focused on optimizing channel engagement models and executing go-to-market strategies. For example, you could onboard a new sales rep in 90 seconds, and we'd automatically set up their email, Slack, CRM access, and more. (0. Good value proposition but this sounds like value for IT not a sales leader)

Would it be helpful to explore how much time this could save your team?

Sender

Account Executive | XXX

If there's no interest, please let me know and I'll stop reaching out (-5 here. It's not my responsibility to get back to you if I'm not interested. Don't spam someone if they don't show further interest.)

Overall the score was a -10. Don't make this mistake just because someone promised you a personalization tool that will improve your cold outreach. Cold outreach needs to be one of two ways.

1. Keep it generic with your value proposition and if they are interested they can engage. We solve X problems with a Y solution and you get Z benefit.
2. Use the personalization tools but use a human to check them for accuracy and make sure they are right. The worst thing you can do is to attempt to create personal messaging that is obviously not personal. This not only fails your outreach attempt but makes your brand look bad.