Regulation Before Expectation: Reframing Support with the Self-Reg Framework

Beyond Behavior: A Paradigm Rooted in Compassion

In a world that often prioritizes compliance over connection, the Self-Reg framework developed by Dr. Stuart Shanker offers a compassionate shift—one that asks us to look beneath behavior and tend to the stressors that shape it. For educators, caregivers, and advocates invested in creating neuroinclusive learning environments, Self-Reg is not just a tool; it's a lens—a way of seeing and supporting neurodivergents with deep respect for their internal landscapes.

Traditional approaches to behavior often begin with the question, “How do we stop this?” Self-Reg invites a radically different question: “Why is this happening?” and “What stress might this child be carrying?” This orientation centers curiosity, not control. It honors the lived experiences of neurodivergent learners—many of whom are navigating complex sensory environments, emotional landscapes, and social expectations often not designed with their nervous systems in mind.

The Five Domains of Self-Reg

Dr. Stuart Shanker’s Self-Reg framework is a transformative approach to understanding and managing stress, energy, and self-regulation. Rooted in neuroscience, developmental psychology, and research on stress, the Self-Reg framework emphasizes the importance of identifying and addressing stressors in five key domains. It is particularly beneficial for neurodivergent individuals who may experience heightened sensitivities or challenges in these areas.

Remember: These are not “bad behaviors” to be fixed—they are invitations to investigate and support with intention and care.

Biological Domain

Focuses on the physical and physiological factors that impact energy and stress levels.Includes elements like sleep, nutrition, sensory sensitivities, physical activity, and overall health.

For neurodivergent individuals, sensory overload (e.g., bright lights, loud noises, certain textures) or irregular sleep patterns can significantly impact energy levels and stress. Personalized strategies, such as sensory-friendly spaces or routines, can help address these stressors.

What this can look like at work:

• Long hours without adequate breaks
• Poor lighting, noise, or air quality in open-plan offices
• Sensory overwhelm from constant notifications, movement, or background noise
• Zoom fatigue or back-to-back meetings with no transition time

How to support:

• Normalize rest and movement—breaks are not rewards, they’re regulation tools
• Provide flexible environments (e.g. quiet zones, remote options, fidget tools)
• Invite people to attune to their own energy rhythms throughout the day
• Use asynchronous tools to reduce real-time pressure

Emotional Domain

Deals with recognizing, understanding, and responding to emotions.Emotional regulation challenges are common for neurodivergent individuals, as they may experience heightened emotional responses or difficulty identifying their feelings. The Self-Reg framework encourages co-regulation before teaching self-regulation strategies, like deep breathing or grounding exercises.

What this can look like at work:

• Feeling undervalued or emotionally unsafe in team spaces
• Microaggressions or unspoken power dynamics
• Fear of failure, perfectionism, or over-responsibility
• Emotional masking, especially for neurodivergent folks or those with marginalized identities

How to support:

• Foster cultures of psychological safety—where all feelings are valid
• Practice feedback that is relational, not punitive
• Make emotional check-ins a normalized part of meetings
• Create rituals of recognition that honor effort, not just outcomes

Cognitive Domain

Relates to thinking processes, including attention, memory, problem-solving, and executive functioning. Neurodivergent individuals often face cognitive stressors, such as difficulties with focus, task-switching, or managing time. Strategies may include breaking tasks into smaller steps, providing visual supports, or incorporating frequent breaks to reduce cognitive load.

What this can look like at work:

• Overwhelm from unclear expectations or constantly shifting priorities
• Information overload or multitasking fatigue
• Lack of time for deep work and reflection
• Difficulty transitioning between tasks or meetings

How to support:

• Simplify communication—fewer emails, more clarity
• Offer autonomy and flexibility in how tasks are completed
• Reduce “urgency culture” and model pacing as a leadership value
• Build in white space: time for integration, not just execution

Social Domain

Encompasses relationships and social interactions that can be sources of stress or support.For neurodivergent individuals, navigating social expectations, understanding social cues, or dealing with misunderstandings can be particularly stressful. Self-Reg strategies promote creating inclusive and understanding environments while teaching ways to manage social challenges, such as practicing communication scripts or using assistive tools like apps for social scenarios.

What this can look like at work:

• Navigating complex team dynamics or office politics
• Exclusion from decision-making or inner circles
• Overstimulation from too much social interaction, especially for introverts or neurodivergent individuals
• Misunderstandings in communication styles

How to support:

• Name and normalize different social needs—silence doesn’t mean disengagement
• Make communication norms explicit (e.g. “Is this a feedback moment or a brainstorming one?”)
• Encourage authentic relationships without forcing socialization
• Practice inclusive meeting design where all voices are invited and heard

Prosocial Domain

Focuses on developing empathy, altruism, and the ability to engage in meaningful interactions with others.Stress in this domain can arise from feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or judged, which neurodivergent individuals often experience in less accommodating environments.The framework emphasizes fostering connections through activities that build trust, mutual understanding, and belonging.

What this can look like at work:

• Compassion fatigue from caregiving or high-empathy roles
• The “helper burnout” in managers or team leads trying to carry everyone
• Guilt over saying no, or feeling responsible for others’ workloads
• Feeling like you’re the emotional glue of the team

How to support:

• Set shared agreements around boundaries and collective care
• Name and validate emotional labor—especially invisible labor
• Encourage mutual aid within teams while respecting capacity
• Offer training on emotional intelligence and sustainable support

Building Self-Reg-Informed Workplaces

Self-Reg at work isn’t about adding another thing to the to-do list—it’s about redesigning how we work so people don’t have to recover from work.

It’s about asking:

• What fuels safety in our team?
• Where are our stressors accumulating?
• How can we support nervous system health collectively—not just individually?

This matters even more when we center neurodivergent inclusion. For those with heightened sensory sensitivity, different cognitive processing, or complex emotional landscapes, a workplace that ignores regulation is a workplace that exhausts.

Regulation Is Contagious—So Is Dysregulation

Teams function like ecosystems. When one person is in survival mode, the ripple effects are real. But the reverse is also true: co-regulation creates cultures of care.

Leaders who model calm, reflective pacing invite others to do the same. Teams that embrace energy check-ins, rest as resistance, and permission to pause are not fragile—they are rooted. They are resilient not because they grind through stress, but because they move with it.

From Output to Wholeness

At the Neurodiversity Education Academy, we believe the future of work isn’t just about productivity—it’s about possibility. When we apply the Self-Reg framework, we are saying: your nervous system matters. Your energy, your rhythms, your way of being—they all belong.

This shift—from managing people to understanding stress, from demanding performance to cultivating safety—creates space for everyone, especially neurodivergent team members, to contribute from a place of regulation, not exhaustion.

When we honor regulation as a collective responsibility, we move toward cultures rooted in wholeness, not hustle. We begin to imagine work not as something we survive, but as a place where we are seen, supported, and sustained.

That is the kind of future we’re working toward. One breath, one pause, one regulated team at a time.