A pie in the face? - Will LGBTI discrimination become more covert?

I have recently been recognised as one of the Outstanding 50 LGBTI Leaders for 2018 by Deloitte and Google - this is a very humbling and amazing honour. This has triggered a lot of personal reflection about my career as an out gay man and some of the speed bumps that I have encountered along the way. The LGBTI community really has come a long way in Australia, we now have same sex marriage and equality under the law but is the job done yet? I think we are a far cry from true equality – we need the hearts and minds and we need to be visible on a daily basis to show that no one should care about who we are or who we love.

We now have the long hard slog of overcoming people’s biases. Why was Qantas singled out negatively in many public forums for its position on same sex marriage when other companies with the same view were not? Why was Alan Joyce assaulted with a pie in the face in Perth? 

Many believe we should know our rightful place in the pecking order and as senior executives we are acting above our station. Gay men are not meant to be alpha male executives - to some we are meant to be subservient to the collective wisdom of straight men – usually white. It offends their masculinity that gay men can be in positions of power and influence – this seems particularly prevalent in Australian business. In many straight men’s eyes gay men are not meant to be assertive – and a gay man acting in an assertive manner is often seen as offensive and something to be stopped by whatever means is available.

At times I find it discomforting to be grouped with straight white men when diversity ratios are determined. My experience and outlook are different – as an out gay executive I am neither privileged nor entitled. I may be white – middle aged and male but please do not group me with the straight men. The development of my career has been somewhat slower than others – of course quite a number of factors would contribute to this. However, I came out in the Australian corporate world in 1993 and in a number of my past roles I have been told by senior executives:

“Your lifestyle doesn’t really fit with the values of the company”

“You really shouldn’t get your knickers in a knot” (manages to be offensive to women as well)

“Given your lifestyle you don’t really need a pay rise as much as your colleague who is married with a couple of kids”

“You can never really be one of the boys and that means you won’t get very far here”

“You are a bit too ‘flamboyant’ for your colleagues”

I have no doubt that these attitudes created a drag on my career development as once these were openly articulated to me I would lose motivation and decide that there was no alternative but to move on to another job. Self confidence and self worth would be completely drained - I would have to "put on my happy face" and build myself up again. Many of you may ask why don’t you make a formal complaint? The Australian business community is very small and can be indiscreet – I truly believed that to raise concerns may have made it difficult to work again - this is really important when you are not financially secure. When Lord Brown (former Chief Executive of BP) and Ian Thorpe came out at the tail-end of their careers I was initially angry that they took so long – however on reflection I completely understand why they would have stayed in the closet during the peak of their careers.

I have often acted as a sounding board for young gay executives in a number of companies in Australia and it may surprise you but comments like the ones above are still made in corporate life and I still see gay men being victimised or reprimanded for calling out such behaviour while nothing is done about the protagonist. I have often seen situations where the gay man is counselled to change his behaviour as it is claimed that he somehow caused the situation to occur and that he needs to develop his “interpersonal skills” "in order to fit in better".

In many instances I have seen overtly aggressive behaviour by straight men (and some women) in corporate life being excused or being seen as assertive, straight-shooting or decisive or other positive descriptors. I have also seen poor behaviour accepted because “he’s a really nice guy” – an unfortunately common refrain in Australia.

Since I came out in 1993, the community has come a long way. However, we now live in a world where discrimination can be more clandestine as our very existence is still hated by some. Given current laws, people will not openly articulate their hatred (and I use the word “hate” on purpose as there are people who would prefer we did not exist). Instead, the discrimination will be more nuanced and subtle – a promotion, pay rise or bonus might be missed as we do not play or watch sport, performance reviews might refer to being “too emotional” or not being one of the team. The word collaboration may be weaponised when one dares to question one’s straight white male peer even if it is made in a respectful and professional manner.

Where to from here? We have made enormous progress but we still have a long way to go. We also have many great allies who provide support and, at times, air-cover. We now need to win the hearts and minds and we need to call out and fight under-cover bigotry. We also need to fight the introduction of discrimination in other guises – religious freedom is fine – religious bigotry is not.

Don't get me wrong, I have had a great career and have managed to travel the world with it - for a working class boy, orphaned as a teenager, from the Bellarine Peninsular in Victoria - life is not too shabby. Life is great especially alongside Geoff my partner of 18 years. The speed bumps that I had to deal with due to discrimination have made me more resilient - there is some truth to the adage "What doesn't kill you will make you better".

We need more and more role models and mentors in the business community and I feel honoured and privileged to be nominated in Australia’s Outstanding 50 LGBTI Leaders for 2018. Only 18 months ago I returned to Australia after 6 years in London – to be recognised so quickly after returning really makes all my battles and set-backs over the years worthwhile. We do need to be vigilant and visible as we still have a long way to go and I do want to ensure that LGBTI people starting out on their careers do not have the road blocks that were put in my way. I'm keen to get people together in the risk and compliance world for networking, mentoring or just sharing - join up and have your say in the "Out in Risk & Compliance" group on LinkedIn.