Pay attention to the unexpected

As I reflect on my birthday and on being another year older, I wanted to share a piece I wrote two weeks ago about career superheroes.

….. Here’s what I came up with.

It’s not often you get to write with an almost deserted beach to yourself. I’m borrowing a pen from the local dairy to try and share on my thoughts on my career superhero. My awesome and creative colleague Rebecca came up with the idea to ask us who helped shape and influence us and why.  

The person who comes to mind is a woman who landed her big break at my age. Just turn on any channel and there is a higher than statistical probability that you will see Mariska Haritag in action as Lieutenant Olivia Benson on Law and Order: SVU.

I listened to her commencement speech on the way to where I’m sitting so I bought a notebook and borrowed a pen and now I started to write.

This is absolutely true. None of us knows how this is all going to turn out. No matter where you are right now, we don’t know what crazy journey is in store for us. It doesn’t matter who tells us what to expect, the truth is no one knows. You’re the only person who will go through it – both the ups and downs. For me, hearing the wisdom, passion and experience in Mariska’s words help guide me and know wherever this life will take me – that I have really have no idea and that’s okay. I don’t have to have all the answers and for a person who suffers from anxiety I really take comfort in her words. Everyone will give you their advice and their shoulds but you’re the one who is there for every piece of the ride. 

The importance of sitting there patiently in the moment when you’re scared the inspiration won’t come but it will.

I’m nodding at this perspective. I’ve lost track of the amount of times I've believed that my inspiration deserted me. Knowing a deadline is looming or I need to just produce something innovative to connect with audience but yet something is standing in my way. Or trying to reach some self-imposed pinnacle that I will never achieve because of the unrealistic expectations I put on myself. Sometimes, everything can feel too overwhelming and the fight it takes to crawl back seems way too hard even though I’ve done it 100 times before. Invariably, the inspiration does come back. When I let go and get out of my own way, it lights up. The idea may never see the light of day (and many of them don’t) but that tiny spark is once again lit. It doesn’t matter what field you are in or what you are studying, you will get and source your own inspiration in your own way. You’ll find a way to express and harness it in a manner which speaks to you.

I watch Mariska in interviews and on SVU and I’m continually inspired by the way she uses her own voice to advocate for others. What started as a role on a television show morphed into something even Mariska admits she never ever expected. When I lose my way, I often think what would this person do? This brings me back to the moment to help realise the inspiration is there but sometimes I just need to look a bit deeper to find it. 

The importance of the hunger to get better and not to get a better job or a better role – to get getter at your craft knowing that the education of an artist never ever ends.

It’s so true. The pressure to do better, be better, be the best – it does linger at the back of my mind and usually it’s the pressure I put on myself. That whatever I do is never enough and I could have done more. That pressure to never disappoint those around me is ever present. But the truth is the hunger to learn and keep learning is something to always strive for. You don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time. Opening your eyes and looking at what we can learn from each other is very powerful. Through collaboration and listening to other people’s stories and ideas, we can get better at our craft. By nature, I’m an introvert and I don’t really like talking about myself. I really prefer to listen but maybe I need to tell my story and share a little because maybe I do have something to give.

Believe in yourself and find someone you trust that believes in you too.

This is a hard one for me. I truly agree with Mariska when she expresses the notion of believing in yourself. You are your most powerful advocate and to back yourself is incredibly empowering but I would be lying if I say that I do this all the time. I have people around me who believe in me but I don’t often agree with them. I often apologise for who I am. I feel like I shouldn’t have a place at the table. I don’t like I’m good enough and don’t have what it takes to really make a difference.

I recently volunteered at an event focused on empowering young women. One of the presenters asked the question – “who feels like they’re not good enough” and majority of the hands in the room went up, mine included. Because I often don’t and I ask myself why? The answer – I let those negative voices dominate my mind. At times, people have told me that I couldn’t do things or wasn’t capable of it and the whispers of those voices do haunt me. I’m my own harshest critic and I do beat myself up when I think I’ve screwed up. Believing in yourself is hard but when do you it builds your confidence. Find those people who can be in your corner and for the ones who tell you that you’re not enough – well that’s all about them, not you. You are enough. You always were, are and will be.

Don’t compare yourself to others in the field

In today’s ago, it can be difficult to do this in a world which is programmed to always present your best side. I’m sure we’ve all compared ourselves to others at some point. I want to look for people who can inspire and for me Mariska is one of those people. She will probably never see or read this but when I look at what she’s done personally and professionally, I’m proud to say I want to be Mariska Haritag when I grow up. The reason why – she’s experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows and managed to rise up, be resilient and shine. She landed a ground-breaking role in her mid-thirties for a show which is about to celebrate its 20th season on television (practically unheard of today) and still manages to be humble, gracious and giving. Mariska leans into her experience and wisdom instead of shying away from it and not pretending to be someone she is not. I hope I can do that as I get older and continue to open both my eyes and heart to new experiences and don’t hide just because I'm not 21 anymore.

It’s very easy to get complacent. It’s easy for us to take things for granted and to forget the journey we’ve experienced so far which helped us to where we are right now. I sometimes think that as we grow up, we seem to lose or hide our ability to be curious about the world around us or sometimes forget to tap into our own childhood wonder. I don’t ever want to lose that. I believe we should remain excited, enthusiastic and not change who we are because it doesn’t fit a certain mould. But it’s also very important to work hard. Not everyone may see the hard work you put in but you know when you’ve given it everything you have. My biggest role models just get on with the work. They just work really, really hard. They do the things which just need to be done. The people I admire the most and who are my career warriors are the ones who will jump in beside you. The people who aren’t afraid to get down and dirty. For me, this shows you they really are. Let’s be curious about the world around us. Let’s dive in headfirst and see what happens.

Be generous, good and kind

I admire these qualities so much in people. It is the little things we do for each other which can really make somebody’s day. It doesn’t take much to be good and kind. Be interested in others, ask questions and take the time to listen. Take the time to ask someone if they are doing okay. Give them to the permission to just share their story without judgement. My career superheroes have done this for me. They just let me be me. There is such power and strength in having the privilege of someone sharing their story with you. For them to open up and tell you about who they are is a true gift. I’ll always be incredibly grateful to the people who allowed me to explore, create, make mistakes and most importantly – be the person I am. 

Pay particular attention to the unexpected. Whatever else you do with your life, keep the doors to your heart open to the unexpected.

I’ve never met a person whose experienced a straight path and I suspect I never will. Out of Mariska’s entire speech, these words resonate with me the greatest. Why? Because they are so true and you only learn through your own, unique experimentation. So often, I ask myself why didn’t I do more? But it’s when I let go, that the unexpected happens. I get surprised, I’m grateful and I’m in awe. My world just opens up that little bit wider. Five years ago, I left a job which I considered my very first dream job and it really opened me up to the unexpected. It’s where I learnt to embrace the beauty of the unexpected. It doesn’t have to be the biggest, boldest thing in the world but even a simple unexpected interaction which brings a smile to your face. We can find the unexpected in so many things and I really hope it always remains this way for me.

Three years ago, I was quite ill when I met my now boss. My previous employer had scheduled a meeting with her a couple of months prior but I’d completely forgotten about it. It was only when I checked my calendar that morning when I remembered that I had to meet this person I didn’t know from New Zealand and talk about what I did. At that stage, I’d really lost my way and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. The day I met my boss started just like any other day but it ended in possibility. For months, I’d shut myself off to the unexpected but during a two-hour conversation with a complete stranger, that tiny bit of inspiration found its way to the surface. That very moment kickstarted a journey which brings me to where I am today. I opened my heart again and in return I started to get both better and rediscovered what I really love to do.

You really never know where you are going to end up and it’s why I love what I do. I’m incredibly grateful to witness the journey of our students. No matter why you study, the field you pursue, the choices you make or the job you do, you will always make an impact. Don’t ever underestimate your ability to make a difference. You’re doing it right now, right in this moment and you may not even know.

Thank you to all the career heroes who have helped shared the person I am today. I used Mariska’s commencement speech as the basis of this article but the messages she shared come from all those who made such an empowering on my professional and personal career. I’m so grateful to those superheroes who changed and continue to change my life and my hope is that I’ll get to say thank you to every single one of them.