Is My Skin Offensive to You?
I’m a 6’6 black man.
People are afraid of me when I walk into a room. In every room I enter into, I have to tone myself down in order to be taken seriously or make others feel safe around me.
The Black Experience:
Being black, growing up black, I have experienced countless racial slurs, judgemental stares, and changing what side to walk on the sidewalk.
Each time that happens, I’m reminded of the color of my skin.
I’m brought out of the present moment, only to be reminded of the reality of what it means to be a black man in America.
When I was moving into the house I’m living in now, I had an experience just like the ones I previously mentioned. My family and I were grateful for the opportunity to move into a pretty large two-story house right in the heart of Midtown in Tallahassee. What made this house unique was the fact that it had a full-sized basketball court connected to it. Being a skills trainer, this court was about to jumpstart my career in the training arena. We were so excited for this next step, and knew that we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
The Reality of Being a Successful Black Man
We began unpacking our cars in the driveaway, and it wasn’t long after a couple cops drove up to look at what we were doing. Based off of my own implicit biases, obviously there was an immediate fear and trembling that occurred within me. I was met by the harsh reality that at any given moment, these police officers had the authority to take my life, if they chose to.
- They said “hey, what are you doing out here?”
- I calmly responded, “this is my house, we’re just moving in today.”
- Not sold on my response they followed up with, “Well, do you have proof that this is your house?”
In this moment, I wanted to tell them how I really felt… I wanted to say “just because you aren’t good enough to get here, I don’t have to tell you anything.” But, I knew that I have a wife and kids at home, and I wanted to be able to see them again.
I grabbed my mortgage papers and my license, and after the shock of a black man of my stature owning one of the best houses in the area wore off of their faces, they grinned and said- “Oh hey, isn’t this the house with the gym in the back? Can we check it out?”
No apology.
No remorse.
No empathy for the emotions and fears that were rattling within me.
I could’ve gone to jail simply for moving into my own home, but they “let me go on my way” and I was able to walk upstairs and see my family’s beautiful, smiling faces.
Unfortunately, this isn’t every black man’s story.
I have friends who’s stories with the cops have looked radically different, ending in loss of life. Not for a crime committed, but for the color of their skin.
We have to stop playing the struggle olympics. The color of my skin gives me a target on my back - but that is exactly why I’ve decided to work in the DEI space. For those in the white community, you have been given power that you can give away - but do you have the desire to see my community flourish into who they were designed to be?
Or, is our skin offensive to you?
Visionary Leader | 15+ Years Driving Impact in Nonprofit & Fortune 500 | CEO & Founder of The Little Red Dog | Expert in Marketing, Brand Strategy, CPG, Sales, and Mission-Driven Growth
3yI want to see your community flourish. I hope you did not let them see the court, but I know you’re classy, so you did. I cannot imagine how it feels to be in your shoes. I was raised differently, my father was a cop in NYC, so growing up, cops were my “uncles” friends, the people I would go to if I was lost as a child. Later, my middle brother became a cop. The first time I heard the word “pig” in reference to a policeman, I was shocked. Didn’t they know these people were our friends? My eyes opened when I moved to LA. I had an experience when driving home with a friend and we were stopped just because I had a black man in my car. We weren’t drunk, we were not breaking the law. I was angry, but it never occurred to me that my friend might have died that night. I’m ashamed I did not know. I’m stil angry that happened and it was 1995. I was not raised like that. My dad and my brother were not like that. I want things to be different. I know I can be part of the change. We all can.
Business Strategist🦄 Project Management Consultant | I help entrepreneurs turn their visions into actionable plans
3yGreat Article and Thank you for Sharing your story. My dad is 6'7"with Dark skin and as a child I always noticed he would receive 1 of 2 responses from men. 1. Awe at his height followed immediately asking if he plays basketball and knows MJ.🙄 2. Fear and/or aggression. His coping mechanism was to always have a smile on his face to put them at ease, be the sports dad or the block party i.e BBQ dad. The police were a different story all together unless he was wearing althlete clothes or his Sunday best any stop resulted in immediately being detained until they could confirm his identity.😢
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4yGreat article Adrian Crawford. Thanks for sharing. This is so unfortunate that so many folks that look like us face these types of situations. Awareness is key...keep up the good work man.