Managing Self-Doubt and Fear During a Job Search, Part I: Building Awareness of Your Inner Critics

Does anyone enjoy looking for a job? We may feel good about the outcome when we achieve our objective, but the job search process is often stressful and uncomfortable. We feel vulnerable as we navigate the unknown and when we must present and perform at our best for a new audience. At every step of a job search—planning a change, informational interviewing, applying, interviewing, negotiating—we are stretching out of our comfort zone. My coach used to say, “The road to your dreams is guarded by gremlins.” Gremlins are those nasty self-doubting inner critics that give us a hard time. They are yakking in our ears constantly with messages of fear and insecurity, and they get especially active during periods of change.

So, what helps us find confidence to travel that road toward our career goals? How do we cope positively with the inevitable self-doubt and fears that arise? Here’s how to begin.

1. Understand how inner critics work.

Our inner critics’ mission is to keep us safe, so they lobby in our minds against taking risks. In our own inner dialogue, they remind us of our limits and constraints in order to spare us humiliation, danger or failure. But since risk is part of reaching any aspiration, we must risk vulnerability for the greater goals of learning, loving, creating, aspiring, changing.(1) Living entails risk. Vulnerability is built in to aspiring and making change.

Inner critics get our attention by grabbing on to one of our values— something that we prize in life. For example, our anxious inner chatter may tell us, “I can’t change jobs because I need to provide for my family. I can’t risk this good salary and benefits and, therefore, I must stay put.”

Of course, we care about financial security and providing for ourselves and our families. It’s what comes after the “therefore” that is usually an assumption or a hugely exaggerated untruth. We get stuck IF we believe the critic’s unfounded, pessimistic, all-or-nothing predictions:

·      “My technology skills are not up-to-date; therefore, I will never get hired.” 

·      “I am too old to make a job change; therefore, it’s too late to try.”

·      “Everyone else has a career direction, but I don’t; therefore, something is wrong with me. I’m never going to succeed.”

2. Be aware.

Unfortunately, we cannot make these thoughts disappear. We humans are destined to have that critic voice within. What we can do is become a discerning consumer of that voice. By understanding how the critic works, we can outsmart it and figure out how to move forward in our lives anyway. We can hold on to what we value while discovering a path forward. This perspective shift brings us to a more creative, proactive way of approaching the challenges of change.

Rick Carson points out this fundamental strategy of awareness in his book Taming the Gremlin.(2) As we notice that critical inner dialog, we step upon an observation platform where we have a choice: Do we believe the critique? What do we choose to believe? What do we choose to do?

Get to know your critic voice by observing it in short doses. Don’t hang out too long in that critic zone because it’s a nasty head space, but when you hear it, observe it for a couple minutes and take some notes: What are its favorite sayings? What is its tone of voice? What does it look like? Can you draw a picture of it? Which situations trigger that critical voice? Where do you feel the critic’s energy in your body? What impact does it have on you?

What does not work well is to debate the critic or try to disprove it. In fact, keeping us in the debate is one way the critic keeps us stuck: “I am good enough.” “No, you’re not.” “Yes I am.” This inner argument can tie us up for years!

3. Evaluate: What is true and what isn’t?

Once we are aware of the critic’s messaging, we can get discerning about our thoughts and options by asking, “What is true and what is not true?” For example, we can do some research about the salary level of jobs of interest and speak to professionals in that field. By gathering information, we make more evidence-based decisions.

4. Reframe.

Once we recognize untrue information thrown at us by our inner critic, we can also reframe our thoughts and strategies. Here are the examples provided above reframed to promote more research and action:

·      “I want to make a change AND provide well for my family, so how can I earn the same amount or more?” Or “How can I replace that lost income in other creative ways?” Or “Is a career change worth reducing our family’s expenses? How would we do this?”

·      “How can I enhance my technology skills?” Or “Which companies provide on-the-job training?”

·      “How do I market my years of experience as an asset? Which organizations are looking to hire someone with deep knowledge and experience?”

·      “Maybe everyone doesn’t have their career path figured out. How could I tackle that question? I could talk to professionals in careers of interest, work with a career coach and/or read more about a profession of interest.”

Standing on this observation deck and watching our thoughts shows us that not everything we think is true. This realization is the beginning of taking charge of our beliefs and actions.

(1) Brené Brown. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books, 2012. Compelling discussion and research about the role of vulnerability.

(2) Rick Carson. Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way. William Morrow, 2003. Awareness as a tool for managing inner critics.

Stay tuned for PART II in which I will discuss gremlin-vanquishing strategies specifically relevant to a career change.

Tracy Fitzpatrick is a career and life coach with 17 years’ experience, three certifications in coaching and three in personal branding. Contact Tracy Fitzpatrick to explore coaching support for your career search in general and/or for managing fear and self-doubt specifically. To learn more, visit www.tracyfitzpatrick.com.