Look up; get up; and don’t ever give up

As much as 2001 was unforgettable for American citizens due to 9/11 (ironically the day I celebrated my first wedding anniversary of my first marriage), it was a crucial year for me, as well as it was the year that I became a mother at barely 24.

I was still an under-graduate at the time, and I wasn’t emotionally ready for a lot of things. I wasn’t ready to face my batch-mates, was apprehensive about being judged, was afraid of not being a good enough mother… there were too many varied thoughts and concerns that I dealt with.

I was working at a payphone company (where I met the father of my child) at the time, and I was drawing a decent salary. My partner too was drawing a decent salary, and therefore I wasn’t too worried about my finances. However, I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to finish my Bachelor of Laws along with the rest of my batch because exams were scheduled within just a few months of giving birth. Hence my decision to take a gap-year from uni, and finish my degree the following year.

I had quite a peaceful pregnancy, and I became engrossed as a mother even prior to seeing my daughter. From the start of the pregnancy, my entire life revolved around her, and I did everything possible within my means to welcome what was going to be the biggest part of my life. Since I was a kid, my grandmother had instilled quite a few creative talents in me, which were put to good use during this period. With my grandmother’s help, I stitched every piece of baby clothing and linen on my own. After a 12hr labour, which I endured on my own overnight inside a labour room, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl that I have seen to-date on 7th April 2001 – it was love at first sight; and the first time I understood what unconditional love was all about.

The first few weeks and months were as expected; I was either breastfeeding, washing nappies, or attempting to make her burp. Even though I had prematurely planned to go back to work at the end of maternity leave, I realized in no time that going back to work wasn’t an option with my not having a good support system around me. Without batting an eye lid, I quit my job. My partner too quit his job with the plan to pursue a business; his business was an utter failure.

Very soon, even before our first anniversary, we were facing emotional, physical and financial stress. I was emotionally and physically drained out by caring for an infant with no additional support, and with the added stress of having to attend lectures in order to complete my degree. It was no surprise when I had to undergo treatment for post-natal depression. With my daughter falling very sick atleast 4-5 times during the first year, I had become one of the most paranoid mothers – not having financial support or a medical cover during this period didn’t help much either. In no time, we were depending on my parents, friends and relatives for financial support. The once rebellious and fiercely independent person I was, who started working right after leaving school in order to support myself while studying, had to resort to depending on others for financial support because I didn’t get the support I expected from the father of my child.

The next 2-3yrs were very difficult years for us as a family. My entire life revolved around looking after my toddler, doing part-time jobs (stocklots, baking, hand-made cards, etc.), attending lectures, and on a daily basis trying to survive with inadequate finances. All this time, I got either little or zero support from my partner.

In 2003, soon after finishing my 4yr LLB in Colombo, I started applying for jobs; my daughter was 2+ by the time, and her health had stabilized by then, and I was emotionally ready to return to a full-time job. I didn’t even have proper clothes to wear for interviews, and I didn’t have money to afford any either. But after struggling so much for 2+ years financially and emotionally, I was ready to give my most positive attitude to get into a suitable company to restart my career.

My positive attitude was shot down multiple times by most of the big names in the country – I was rejected by top banks, top multi-nationals, and airlines purely because they doubted that I would have the same commitment that someone else with similar qualifications and experience would have – because I was a young mother with hell of a lot of commitments and the other candidates were not. The only job offering I got was from an NGO that offered me LKR 15000/- | USD 150 (less than I drew 3yrs prior to that before I became a mother).

With the 15K I drew at the time, I struggled to look after a child, and look after myself and the father of my child, who was still not supporting me the way I expected he would. There were times that I would walk beyond walking distances in heels because I couldn’t afford even a tuk ride. There were times that I wanted to treat my toddler for a meal outside home-cooking, and I did that – but I only had enough money for one meal; I would opt to have a glass of water for myself while watching my favourite person on earth enjoy a happy-meal because water was all I could afford at the time.

All these struggles I faced on a daily basis made me even more determined to do better in life. I wasn’t demotivated; I was even more committed and determined to fight forward without looking back.

Within a few months, I found a job that paid me much better; a small BPO that I called home for the next 4-5 yrs of my life. I worked hard; I was committed, determined, and invested in relationships. Soon I was promoted, and I was in charge of the operation.

By the age of 27, I had my own car, and by the age of 29 (along with my becoming a single mother), I had laid the foundation for my own house; my daughter and I moved into our beautiful little house in 2010.

Looking back, I am thankful for all the experiences that I faced, which have helped me become who I am today. If not for what I faced, I wouldn’t have dreamt big; and wouldn’t have worked hard to achieve those. When you dream big, and you make them a reality through your own effort, the sense of fulfillment you feel is immeasurable.

“Never stop trying; Never stop believing; Never give up; Your day will come” – Mandy Hale