It's a lonely business starting your own business. (So you want to start your own firm? Part 2)
"... In restless dreams I walked alone..."
A brief prologue. Today I want to address that most insidious, unexpected and sometimes debilitating aspect of starting running your own business - Loneliness. I have debated with myself if I should even bring it up. It's personal, as a director you are supposed to project an air of invincibility and loneliness is simply not a comfortable subject for discussion. Few factors tipped me in favour of sharing my thoughts on this matter. First of all, it would be simply dishonest to ignore what is a huge if silent elephant in the room, and if I can't be honest why bother. Second, it is important for the future business owners to be prepared for this challenge and maybe even more important know they are not alone with their issues. Finally and most importantly I wanted to provide few constructive ideas of how to deal with some of issues raised in this essay.
Before I get stuck in let me start with a disclaimer. Of course, your experience may be very different to what I will describe. Tackling in a few short paragraphs things like friends, family etc will inevitably leave huge uncovered gaps. Many of important aspects (mentoring, professional help etc) have been left untouched simply due to restrictions of the format. Everything that you will find on this page is based on my personal thoughts, experiences and views, so make that pinch of salt as large or as small as you like.
People, of course, may have different experiences of starting a firm. There are very happy newly launched family businesses where the subject of being alone never comes up, successful partnerships where partners become closer than a family and some entrepreneurs that simply don’t find isolation to be an issue. Many, however, once the initial illation of starting a company dies down, are in for a nasty surprise.
Harvard Business Review in their 2012 study found that nearly 70% of new corporate CEOs experience loneliness resulting in tangible negative work performance. Consider this for a moment. We are talking about CEOs of established corporations. On a guaranteed and often a very attractive remuneration packages. People who are typically very experienced. Surrounded by colleagues and established corporate machinery there to offer support. And it still gets to them! A freshly minted business owner has none of these benefits with far greater challenges and personal stakes involved.
No matter how many books you read, how many people you have consulted nothing prepares you for that feeling - you are truly on your own. You are jumping into a parallel reality, a whole new, hostile, exciting and often brutal world. You will be facing a myriad of problems for the first time that no one but you can solve, understand or gives a damn about. While we all like to think that we 'love new challenges' and 'perform best under pressure' the truth is that insatiable grind of starting a new business will take its toll even on the most resilient leaving you in many cases emotionally vulnerable. In some instances, the feeling of you vs the World can become not only oppressive but quite literally debilitating.
One of the common mistakes I have seen (and indeed committed myself) is to assume that the support structure you had in your civilian life "before" translates one for one into your life "after". These are the things that we take for granted, friends, family, colleagues and that for an integral part of our daily experiences and we rely on (at least in part) to keep us motivated, energised, forming a social safety net of sorts. In most cases, this network will change, shrink and in some instances disappear. This can feel quite traumatic to a new business owner making him feel isolated just when he needs the support the most.
Family. Our families are usually the first port of call when facing all sorts of challenges. When it comes to running a new business there are several things to keep in mind. Often your family members will never be quite sure what is it that you do and why you have jumped off the safe corporate environment into the unpredictability of running your own business. Instead of support, you can end up feeling frustrated and even on the defensive as you hear how you nearest and dearest may question your choices. Paternal instincts especially, tend to lean towards "safe" rather than "exciting" and 9-6 fixed paycheque seems to be a way more sensible choice than starting a new uncertain venture. The key here is to keep you cool and give them time to adopt. Sitting down explaining you plans, goals and challenges would do wonders bringing your family truly on-board with your professional aspirations.
Friends. Running your own business may put a strain on your friendships and you have to work on preventing this happening. Your friends cannot appreciate what you are going through. This is to be expected, your life and priorities have shifted drastically theirs have not. This, of course, does not mean that they can offer no support at all, but it's up to you to manage these new dynamics. The cliché is that your business is your baby is an apt one. Your life will revolve around this growing child and you will be tempted to keep dragging out (metaphorical) baby photos at every opportunity. And just like with the baby pics it quickly gets old. Your friends are there for you, but in most cases, they leave their work and thoughts of it once they step out of the office. To a new entrepreneur, Business is life. Constant work pressures, change of lifestyle, money worries, your new priorities all these can drive a wedge in what may be the best for friendships.
You will have to work to prevent this from happening. Make time for your friends, you will always be busy but this is important. Ration how much time you spend to talk about work. There is no hard and fast rule but you will know once you are abusing your friend's patience. Let me emphasise, it’s you who have changed not them and it’s you who will have to make the necessary adjustments. The good news is that more often than not your best friends will meet you half way.
Office. When starting our firm, one of the first things that hit me hard was how much I missed the comradery from the days of when I used to work for a large corporate. As silly as it sounds, I never appreciated how a simple "good morning", easy banter and a quick coffee with a teammate topped up my batteries throughout the day. We are social animals and being the only employee of your new firm will be emotionally draining. If your work is office oriented, sitting by yourself in front of a computer screen can be unhealthy in a very real mental and physical way. An effective solution is getting out of your home or small private office and moving into a co-working space that has now sprung up all over Europe. While these are not perfect it definitely beats a one person windowless office that many of new entrepreneurs find themselves in at that start of their journey
Colleagues. One of the most complex, critical, exciting (insert here any other epithet) aspects of starting a new firm are the people you will hire. I will leave aside the usual HR challenges of getting the right person for the right job and focus on relationship aspects. For many of the fresh business owners building their team can be a first time experience. When it comes to the subject of loneliness when running a company it's probably one of the most complex topics to pin down. It's important to be very clear what your colleagues are and what they aren't. Your team members can be a very important part of your support structure. They are people who actually understand what you do and if you are lucky as I am many of them will show extraordinary commitment to your vision.
The temptation is to embrace your employees as your peers and equals whom you can rely on in every possible way. It is important to understand that the vision you have is still yours and yours alone. So is the responsibility for making sure that everyone received their end of month pay-cheque. You live and breathe your business while for everyone else it’s a job and for some, it will be 'just' a job. Hopefully, your growing team will be committed, energetic and full of enthusiasm. But you must not mistake this for anyone else care about your business as much as you do. "All for one and one for all" it is not, you are the one and you are the boss.
Once you fully realise that two things will happen. First, you in many ways you may feel more isolated than ever, it is lonely being on the top. Second is you will have a far healthier, productive and in the long term sustainable relationship with your employees leaving your team overall in a much stronger position.
Partners. Partnerships are tricky. They can be the best thing that has ever happened to you in your business life and yes you guessed, the worse. Unlike your employee's partners are as vested in the business as you are. Partners can lend each other emotional support and be that person that really gets you. Of course, this goes both ways and your partner will lean on you in times when he or she feels down. It is important that the professional and emotional baggage of running the business is shared more or less equally otherwise partner may become yet another issue that you have a deal with on your own. It is therefore critical that when choosing a partner aside from the professional qualities you look at emotional compatibility, endurance and stability.
In conclusion. Loneliness is likely to be a fact that you as a new entrepreneur will face. The question is how to manage it best so it does not impact the development of your new business, your health, and harm your connections with your friends, family, colleagues and other people that are close to you. As with most things of this nature, there is no straightforward answer. Once you decide to go down the entrepreneur path you are setting your self apart and you will be in many ways alone, especially at the start of your journey. You will have to grow some extra thick skin and your emotional and mental resilience and fortitude will be tested to their limits. At this point, you will turn to people you usually go to when you are in a tight spot and find that things have changed. And they have, you have, your life had and you are the one who will need to make the necessary adjustments, not the World. Understanding this can help to get through what can be pretty dark moments.
"If you're going through hell, keep going"