Irrefutable proof that it's possible to write a reasonable, rational, politically sensitive rejection letter.

Dear agency recruiters. Here's the thing about rejection. When someone takes the time to apply, you should take the time to acknowledge them. If you take the initiative to put out a LinkedIn cattle call, please be willing to follow through on the responses. It's a matter of simple decency, which most agencies like yours enthusiastically purport to have until such time that you create a tsunami of your own making.

Here's a thought: if you're too busy to respond to all candidates, why not use a headhunter who pays for their groceries by communicating their candidates.

Yes, they do still exist.

In the spirit of good hiring karma, I'd like to submit a sample rejection email you can use for me in the future. Consider it an example of how to tell a candidate you looked at their work, even if it doesn't go their way.

I hope this can spur a new approach to engaging with potential hires. There is an art to letting others down gently, as I've attempted to demonstrate below.

So here goes.

SUBJECT LINE: PRINT ADS, CAMERON? REALLY?

Dear Mr. Day,

We didn't expect to get 3,860 portfolio submissions for the Creative Director post we mentioned on LinkedIn last week.

Oopsie daisy.

We thought you'd be interested to know your portfolio found its way into the final five, hand-picked by our Global CCO, who is young enough to be your spawn. Just sayin'.

Based on your work alone, you were absolutely in the running. Note the use of past tense in the prior sentence.

When we saw your Land Rover and Rolling Stone Magazine work, we all marveled and felt a wave of nostalgia wash over us

I commented to my colleagues that I could feel the world in your words for Land Rover and that your love of music is palpable.

Is Rolling Stone Magazine even a thing anymore?

And there was that Land Rover TV spot. Mermerizing. Not every spot finds its way into MoMA.

We couldn't help but notice your outdoor, and several campaigns had us chuckling. Wyoming tourism. Central Market. The Beige campaign for saving the arts scene in Charlotte. Charlotte.

We laughed heartily at your Pet Registration and your Central Market radio.

No TikTok videos? That's okay.

The real problem with your work arose when we ran it through our AI sensitivity filter, a standardized vetting procedure we use for all final candidates.

Ouch.

Unfortunately, your portfolio and the advertising books you've written threw up a series of red flags, so I'm writing this personal note and explaining why you're not suitable for our purposes either now or in the future.

Your range is frankly all over the place and can be quite caustic. We typically look for writing tones decidedly more up the middle and unobjectionable to the widest demographic possible.

Surely you understand. It's kind of a best practices, global watchout sort of thing.

To be clear, Mr. Day, you will not be considered for employment, freelance or otherwise, at any of the 285 agencies in our vast global network because your tonalities make us nervous.

We are moving forward with in-person interviews with four individuals who have not written advertising books describing others they've worked with as psychopaths, drug addicts, and snakes, Mr. Day. Your word choices represent a behavioral pattern we cannot in good conscience advocate or financially support.

We clearly have a reputation to protect and investors to appease.

Just a few of the red flags:

Your Shiner SXSW urinal posters? AI pointed out that having urinal posters targeting one gender is bad form, even if it did win a Cannes Lion in the poster category back in the day, as the modern generation no longer says as much.

Further, although your three advertising books currently have perfect 5-star Amazon ratings and ardent supporters, some of your word choices left our AI filter concerned for the mental health and well-being of our staffers and clients.

Describing ad professionals as "turd pipes", "ham flowers", and HR people as, "dead-eyed sharks" is not consistent with our belief that all people should be treated with respect and dignity. Yes, Mr. Day, even if they're "the fucked up spawn of parents who never told their kids no" and were as you claim, part of "a Kangaroo court" that got "your ass fired like artisnal pottery."

We regret we will not be painting a senior parking spot in our garage on your behalf. Our CCO did ask that I convey potentially encouraging news, and I'll quote her verbatim.

“If print ever makes a miraculous comeback like vinyl albums have, and political correctness hits the skids, let’s give him a call. Maybe we can get him some sensitivity training or something and consider him for a remote-only gig."

Not everyone is return-to-the-office material, Mr. Day.

You, for example.

By the way, I personally posted a one-star rating for your newest book, "Stones & Sticks," proving out what you said in your own words in the foreword of that book.

Nobody is even close to perfect, Mr. Day.

Particularly you.

Regards,

NAME: RECRUITER NAME HERE

TITLE: RECRUITERS PC TITLE GOES HERE

AGENCY: SPIFFY AGENCY NAME AND PARENT COMPANY NAME GOES HERE

#theadvertisingsurvivalguide

Cameron Day's F-Bomb-laced Advertising Survival Guide trilogy is available through Amazon Books, or hand-signed via his website @ www.iamcameronday.com

Stick that in your tonality filter, AI.