How to be your own Coach

Coaches inspire and motivate you to maximise your personal and/or professional development. Coaches help you analyze where you have come from, where you are now, and where you want to be. They help you self-reflect, brainstorm ideas, decide on a course(s) of action, implementation, and measurement success.

You might not be ready for a coach, for whatever reason, and this should not stop you from engaging in coaching, with someone that is always available and has a vested interest in your well-being. This someone, as I'm sure you've guessed is you. Self-Coaching involves all of the above, but with you filling the role of the Coach.

I have developed my own self-coaching method centered around the serenity prayer and its key messages as they relate to self-coaching.

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can; and the Wisdom to know the difference."

This message is very powerful, and has changed aspects of my life for the good, positively affecting my happiness on a day to day basis. I use these 3 solutions as a base for almost every problem I encounter. It works for me, can it work for you? The simple answer is yes, it can. However it requires a holistic understanding of serenity, courage and wisdom.

Where we choose to focus our energy, ultimately guides our lives, and these choices are fundamental. We engage with many situations that are out of our control, and these can cause great emotional distress, if we choose to doubt our level of control of the situation. We must accept that a situation is out of our control, and therefore not worthy of distress. It is pointless to expend energy, through stress, on anything of which you have no control over. Once you are at piece with this fact, you have serenity, you embrace it and it frees you.

This is where the self-coaching starts, analyzing where you are right now, deciding where you want to be, and working out a plan to get there. Analyzing where you are right now requires an unbiased approach, the ability to acknowledge to yourself that you require reflection and continuous improvement. Taking an outsiders view of where you are and being honest with yourself.

Once you have done this, you need to determine your level of control over aspects you deem to have an influence over you. This is where you look at those things that cause you the most distress, and you determine those that you have no control over. For instance, your car breaks down and unless you are a mechanic, you have no control over that situation. You can call for a tow-truck and you can plan for its repair, but you can not fix the car in that moment, and therefore you should not let the situation cause you distress. This sounds oddly simple and mildly awkward, but it can make you or break you.

Embrace Serenity by understanding your lack of control over those situations that threaten to trample on your happiness. Deciding to accept the things you cannot change, frees your mind up to reflect on those things you have control over and that you can change.

We are faced with many a situation where our inaction is the cause of the distress, as we are ignorant to our influence and ability. I have heard countless conversations about people ignorant to their ability to remove themselves from a situation or make a seemingly simple decision to change their apparent distress.

When we self-coach, we stimulate within us optimism and confidence, integral for the Courage needed to change the things we have control over. Looking at where you want to be includes making changes you may not feel you can. The outlook is also a great motivator to make those changes and decisions, and understanding we all have more control than we realize.

The most important part of this process is of course developing the Wisdom to understanding what we have control over and what we do not. Once you embrace this concept, you learn to recognize, in every situation, your level of control and suggested reaction.

Applying this concept to your self-coaching techniques, I do hope you find serenity, courage and wisdom. Become friends with yourself, become your top critic, coach yourself to success.