How to Influence Others and Yourself to Do the Right Thing

Everything we do and choose is shaped by external social influence. We are bad at recognizing this but, indeed, we don’t have absolute control. When trying to change perspectives, you shouldn’t keep pushing ideas. People think pushing people is needed to influence but it’s not that simple. So when thinking about influence, ask yourself why they have not changed yet. Think about the obstacles and barriers that people have and work on these.

Sometimes people just say no so that they can establish their autonomy. But sadly, it seems to also be an issue that we’re not doing what we want. It’s hard to get ourselves to do things when it’s a “should” not a “want”. The more that it’s a should rather than want, the more that we will push back. Then, to be motivated, we need to see all that we want in doing things. Even those that are should turn into wants if we try to reframe things.

You also cannot influence people if you say drastically different beliefs. So for people to listen to you, ease into showing people different opinions. Change is harder to do if you are immediately overwhelmed by it. Then, people need to have stepping stones so they can gradually improve.

Another way to influence is to show gaps between what they say and do. Whenever people’s words and actions don’t line up, negative emotions arise. The more people see inconsistencies in their words and actions, they change. Then, it would be great to ask them about their beliefs and use these.

People also won’t change if there’s no great pain point in the short term. This pain may be more as it stretches for years but it still won’t be pressing. Then, people need to realize how little pain builds up over a long period. The cost of fixing things may seem large today but it’s worth it long-term.

People can also be persuaded by being shown the people they want to be. This also works the other way as people do things to disassociate. Then, people do things that make them look like the people they want to be. But once people who aren’t so popular start doing things, others will stop.

Source: Jonah Berger