The Dev-Ops Tariff Treaty

Given IT Operation’s increasing resentment of Application Development’s perennial PATHETIC AND UNFAIR behaviour, it has imposed The Dev-Ops Tariff Treaty in order to strike a BETTER DEAL. The Treaty is subject to Continual Improvement and will change without notice. The Treaty currently comprises four parts.

1. Bug Import Tariff

Description: Every time Dev pushes a buggy release to production without proper testing, they incur a 25% “BUG TAX.” The payment isn’t monetary—instead, it takes the form of mandatory pair-programming hours with Ops. During these sessions, Ops enjoys the extra time sipping their coffee and using the opportunity to slyly point out typos and coding inconsistencies in Dev’s work.

Purpose: This tariff serves as a DETERRENT to the “it works on my machine” mindset, ensuring that Dev also feels the PAIN they cause Ops when faulty code lands in production.

2. Urgent Deploy Surcharge

Description: In scenarios where Dev demands an “emergency” deploy at an ungodly hour (say, 3 a.m.) to push out a non-critical feature—perhaps a shiny new button—they are hit with a 50% “SLEEP DEPRIVATION FEE.” Instead of a financial penalty, Dev must write a 500-word apology blog post titled “Why Ops Deserves Better.”

Purpose: This surcharge aims to encourage better planning and proper prioritization. It’s a reminder that sleep and proper scheduling are essential to the health of both teams. Ops, having long endured the ripple effects of disrupted sleep cycles, gets their much-needed validation.

3. Documentation Duty

Description: When Dev opts to skip writing thorough API docs or runbooks, dismissing such documentation as “self-explanatory,” they face a 100% “CLARIFY TARIFF.” As restitution, Dev is compelled to spend a weekend developing a detailed wiki page, while Ops meticulously critiques the document with the enthusiasm of a Michelin-star food critic.

Purpose: This tariff curbs Dev’s tendency to SHORTCUT documentation, underlining the value of clear, concise, and comprehensive guides. Ops benefits by having a repository of information to reference—and by virtue of the process, their perpetual sense of smug JUSTICE is well nourished.

4. Blameful Post-Mortem Rebate

Description: Adapting standard post-mortem practices to the current condition, the BLAMEFUL POST-MORTEM REBATE mandates that Dev must shoulder the entire blame for any outage—regardless of the actual root cause—even when Ops is partially or predominantly responsible. Following an incident, if Dev and Ops meet for a post-mortem session, Dev is compelled to draft a comprehensive analysis accepting full fault for the mishap. Once this document is completed, Ops receives a “HUMILITY CREDIT” that waives one tariff on their next infraction.

Purpose: To remind Dev of the longstanding power imbalance, and to provide Ops with an outlet for their frustration. Meanwhile, the credit system offers a tangible incentive for Ops to remain engaged in the process.

Implementation Guidelines:

• Measurement: Each infraction is logged in a central “Tariff Ledger” accessible to both teams.
• Redemption: Credits from blameful post-mortems can be redeemed against future tariff charges.
• Review: Regular review meetings (quarterly “Tariff Summits”) ensure that both sides argue and disagree, and fume with resentment accordingly.
• Retaliation: If Dev is caught retaliating—say, by “accidentally” pushing a breaking change to prod or flooding Ops with frivolous tickets—the tariffs are doubled.