Creativity and difficult conversations

Creativity and difficult conversations. 

Life isn’t always a bed of roses, happiness and positivity. 

Problems and bad situations also pop up occasionally. 

Dealing with them quickly, effectively and comprehensively is always the best option. This means you must have difficult conversations. 

Doing it with empathy, care and consideration as well as choosing your timing will improve your success rate when managing these situations and getting positive outcomes. 

 Creativity is driven by positivity more than negativity, but it doesn’t mean you cannot apply creative thinking to what are negative situations - it’s just a bit harder. Remember one of the best ways of finding solutions to hard problems is through creative thinking. However, this type of thinking may need to happen after the difficult conversation. 

 Regarding the conversation itself, think creatively about how you are approaching difficult conversations and when to undertake them. The aim must be to have a proper sensible conversation that ideally solves the issue but energises and enthuses. This is a tall order and all too often it can slide into Parent-Child mode rather than adult-to-adult. 

 Don’t tell yourself dealing with bad situations is always hard - it’s much easier if you know how to go about it and have a process and plan.  

 Here is an effective framework for having a difficult conversation. It enables you to get your message across in a straightforward way and does not compromise the importance of the conversation. It also is respectful and enables a collaborative conversation to take place. 

 1 - PRE-PLANNING 

 As these are difficult conversations, not just a chat about business as usual or small issues, you need to prepare properly. 

•  What is behind or at the heart of the issue? 
• Outcome. What do you want out of it? What might they want out of it? 
• Plan B. If you cannot get to a solution – what’s your plan? 
• Response/resistance. What are they likely to be and how will you respond to each? 
• When is a good time to have the conversation, equally when is not? 
• Where is private but not isolated, where is safe and going to help achieve a positive outcome? 

 Great sports teams practice how they will respond to pressure and tricky situations or scenarios on the pitch. Take that thinking and apply it to this challenge. The All Blacks call it - Keep a Blue Head.  

 The Conversation. 

 2 – WARN. Let them know that a certain type of conversation is about to take place. It is serious and important. This is just positioning so they can mentally prepare for what is happening next, rather than being shocked, blindsided and taking flight or fight road. In flight or fight, you cannot think straight or logically, and the outcome will be poor. 

 3 – HEADLINE. A simple one-line stating the issue. It is best to deal with one negative or difficult thing rather than a whole raft of issues that cannot be solved and will overwhelm both of you. 

 4 – IMPACT. Say what the consequences are and why it needs to be sorted out, solved or stopped. This gives the person time to absorb the headline and think about things before they need to speak. This space in the conversation is especially important. You want a considered response, not an emotional one.  

 5 – NEXT STEPS. Ask them a question or make a statement that passes the conversation clearly over to them. This is the start of the conversation. 

 6 – THE WRAP-UP. This is the capturing of the conclusion. It may be an acknowledgement, a commitment to change, or some actions or measures depending on the situation. Remember your prep work and know what feels right to you. The conclusion must be clear, not unambiguous or vague statements. The person must leave knowing exactly what they have committed to, are held accountable for and what success looks like for both you and them.  

It is true that the more you have difficult conversations the easier they get. However, if you are successful, you will eventually need to have less of them. Having a good wrap-up will drive success and the problem is already half solved, a bad one and you will be having another difficult conversation in three months. 

 The Pre-plan, warn, headline, impact, next steps and wrap-up process works well in EVERY situation where you need a difficult conversation. It works everywhere, at home, in a restaurant, or with your kids. These are good places to hone your skills. 

 Remember having difficult conversations doesn’t make you a difficult person, but one that cares and wants to get things sorted for the better.  

 Be the person who has difficult conversations skilfully with care and empathy, not the one who avoids them.  

 Finally, this is where you need to have a difficult conversation with yourself.  

What are you going to do with the above?  

At a minimum, I’m sure there will be some people that you know would find the above helpful advice. Are you going to forward the Newsletter, copy and paste the contents into an email, or talk to them 121?

I guarantee that helping someone (including yourself) have a difficult conversation is something they will thank you and remember for a long time to come.