Conflict Coaching Is More Important Now Than Ever Before

With the election season now in full swing, a global pandemic, social restrictions, and protests in many parts of the country, you may be feeling the negative effects of all this conflict, even in your own personal relationships. Once, what held us together was stronger than our differences, yet now, our differences seem huge and almost insurmountable. Many of us may be feeling this stretch in our relationships as well. We are wired for connection, but many of us are struggling to maintain the bonds between us. 

One explanation for this is that as we move more and more to a mentality of “us vs them”, we are losing the “we”. As Ken Cloke says, “It doesn’t matter whose side of the boat is sinking. We are all in this together.” We are all in this together, and we have so much more in common than we have differences.  We are more than our politics, our religious beliefs, our income, our color. We are family members, spouses, children, parents, and workers. We all laugh and cry and hope and dream. We are all human. We all want a good and happy life. We all want purpose and identity. We all want a better world for our children. We all want connection. That being said, our differences are a good thing. Our differences make us stronger. But again, we are more than our differences.  When we listen, ask questions, and respect our differences and similarities rather than judging, we can find ways to build bridges instead of walls.

It’s not easy. Many of us may even find ourselves in a situation where we need a conflict coach to help us navigate problematic relationships. It might surprise you to know that even mediators use conflict coaches from time to time.  We know how hard it can be to bring our best selves, objectivity, good listening, and problem solving to the table when our beliefs are challenged or when we’re triggered. Mediation and conflict coaching are powerful tools to help work through these challenges. Mediation and conflict coaching provide a safe space to speak and be heard in order to move forward with respect and honor for the other person. It’s not easy, but relationships are worth it. At the end of the day, at the end of our journeys, only relationships truly matter.

It’s easy to forget that relationship is not about changing someone else’s mind or making that person like us. Relationship is about growing together, being curious and supportive, and using our differences, like puzzle pieces, in creative ways to build even better solutions to our problems. A wise friend said once, “When I have to be right, I have to make someone else wrong. I want to love enough so that I don’t have to make someone wrong.”  When I have to win, I have to make someone else lose. I want to love enough that I don’t have to make other people lose.

How can we come together and strengthen the relationships that we have? What do we need to do to create new relationships, new connections? What do we need to let go of so that we can be open instead of closed? How can we mend what is broken? For me, the answer always points to this: while I cannot control the circumstances of life, I do get to control who I am and how I show up for these circumstances. Who do you want to be?