Coaching in practice #3 – Not by questions alone...

Two weeks ago I covered the topic of the importance of questions asked during coaching sessions. Today I would like to focus on yet another tool, which – as I learn listening to my supervisees – is too often passed over or underestimated.

As I have already mentioned, questions posed in a mindful manner help us and our clients get to the core of the problem. Good questions – if accompanied by silence – provoke reflections and eventually help our clients spot and use their inner resources and move forward.

There is a second just as important tool that I would call “a mirror”. The essence of this sort of intervention is to keep our clients focused on the words he or she has just said. We may use paraphrases, repeat the word literally or make sure we understood his or her statement correctly.

We can simply say:

– Have I heard that...

– You have just said: “...”

... or echo our clients’ last words...

Why is this technique so worthy of use?

Well, in a way questions are somewhat secondary, so to say. Questions open dialogue, they constitute a new factor in the exchange of words.

“A mirror” on the other hand is the way of confronting our client with him- or herself with no influences nor accretions. Our clients have a chance to hear themselves in a way devoid of our interpretations, unconscious suggestions, or unintentional directing the conversation towards a specific aspect of his or her statement.

Thus, the only things left on the battlefield are their own words. In this way we let the discourse develop in a direction we could not possibly even think of. All in all, it is not our understanding that is at stake here. It is all about what’s inside of our clients’ heads, it is all about the things the words are only the crown of. Well, do we really know what the words are the result of? Do we really know what is hidden behind them?

It is a good thing to look at the mirror sometimes.

One may notice things no-one else could possibly see :)