Business + Forgiveness=Forgusiness? Busgivness?

" ....Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference... " -Reinhold Niebuhr

they told me I had a long career ahead of me with them.

i didn't.

they told me they loved the quirkiness of my out-of-the-box thinking style.

they didn't.

they told me not to worry because they'd take care of me.

they wouldn't.

they told me to apply for other opportunities because I'd be welcomed back.

they couldn't.

and I still forgive them.

i have to.

I had a VP who had this giant "Serenity Prayer" printed out to fit under a glass desk chair mat. He said it helped remind him that certain aspects of his job, his home and his life as a whole, were not always going to be in his control. His recognition of that created his awareness to be able to focus on the things he could mold and control and hoped he'd figure out which was which. The best part to me, was the fact he had it under his feet, which as far as symbolism goes, was just ripe for interpretations about insecurity and the need for public acceptance. The man who warned me about the hazards of "wanting to be universally liked", having to temper his own want and need for universal acceptance as he hypocritically surrounded himself with smooziers, sycophants and disingenuous decision makers who put their own personal ambitions ahead of the truly altruistic vision of what he wanted his division to be. It's hard to plead to the decency of the masses when the people doing the pleading aren't forthcoming, empathetic or self aware enough to know the masses see right through their facade. No, this wasn't a plot of an HBO series, but it did have its moments of entertainment value.

"Control what you can Control": that concept seems to seep into every fiber and corner of relationship building. Doesn't matter if it's Sales, Marketing, Recruiting, Consulting or Development: you can only control what you can control.You have to be able to let go of the things that are simply out of your influence. That big deal that fell through or that campaign that didn't quite yield the results desired, aren't the end all be all. There is always life after INSERT JOB TITLE AT COMPANY here. The truth is that happiness that comes with peace of mind is worth more than stressing over things that are out of your control. That happiness is worth more than being blamed for other people shortcomings. No one is perfect in business, not me, not you, not millionaires or billionaires. What we can be perfect in, however, is the way that we value and treat everyone from CEO's to entry level employees. From the decision makers to the administrative staff. These are the relationships that forge "culture" and these are the things you can control. You can absolutely control how YOU speak, treat, respect and impact those around you. You, and only you, have the controlled ability to compliment, insult, lift up or burn down someone else's feelings, reputation or status. You, and only you, can hold a grudge and try to destroy another person's entire body of work OR you, and only you, can let go of the ego, let go of that "butthurtedness", quit the victim mentality and forgive them for not being perfect.

That's the best part about control: it's your choice. You get to choose what, who and how you want to be. I know that what happened to me professionally is 10% of the story. The other 90% is how I wish to move forward and i choose not to hold a grudge. I choose to forgive my former VP for being human and falling victim to his own ego while he continually cautioned me about mine. I forgive him for letting people who don't have his best interest at heart influence his choices and perceptions. I just, forgive. Without reward, without witness and without hope. I just, forgive.

I build relationships because it's kind. Because it's what I can control. Because it's right.

That's the kind of peace of mind that has no compensation comparison.

That's the power of busgivness....or forgusiness.