Balance Myth – Time, time, time

I am not a poster-girl for work-life balance. I eat too much, exercise too little and take my work worries home with me. Perhaps it is because of these faults then I am intensely aware of the ‘balance thing’. And here’s the gotcha; I think that finding permanent harmony between the workplace and your home life is an utter myth! Spiritual, physical, social and psychological balance sounds like bliss, but it isn’t blissful striving for an impossible ideal. A goal that we set for ourselves which is a constant source of self-flagellation (ouch!).

So a few years back I stop beating myself up and reframed the ‘balance myth’…

It began five years ago when I decided in my forties to go to university. In the interview I was asked how I thought I would cope with fulltime work, three children and study. In my own flippant way I answered that I imagined it would be like childbirth – no one can prepare you for the experience. You just have to dive in with the rest of them and trust that you can swim. And so I did. Looking back it wasn’t the NPV calculation or refreshing my memory of brand awareness or even commercial law that had the most effect on me through this experience. It was the odd paradigm of having the opportunity to do something just for me; while still trying to ‘do everything else’. I didn’t hit a wall; but I did have a breakthrough.

I learnt to look within instead of continually reaching out for more. Within I found my own balance barometer. Time was my friend and it was only my attitude towards time that made me feel either ‘with it’ or ‘off kilter’ from it. Making minor adjustments was better than striving for perfection and failing. Minor tweaks like checking an attitude at the meeting room door or turning off the phone when out with the kids became invaluable.

Then while reading a letter that Winston Churchill’s wife, Clementine, wrote him in 1940 telling him to be a nicer person I realised our highs and lows can also be balanced out by those we love. Remember when you were a kid and you and your best friend sat in mid-air on the seesaw with your feet off the ground laughing out loud? It is your partner on the other end of the seesaw that often lifts you up or eases you gently down.

Teresa A Taylor further reinforced my new frame in her book, “The Balance Myth: Rethinking Work-Life Success”. In summary her story says you don’t have to be perfect, but you do need to be present. Over the years time became a wonderfully malleable thing for me. Every now and then I may feel there are not enough hours in the day; that time slips through my fingers. And I still deliciously while away time on a Saturday morning lie-in. Now though I don’t think it is a ‘waste of time’. And when I run out of time I am more accepting of it.

So, how about instead of striving for balance we value the time we have; whether we use it wisely or be completely frivolous with it? How about instead of looking for perfect balance we relish the present with its seesaw of continual self-adjustment? After all, it is the highs and lows of life which make us interesting human-beings. They round us out, add depth; create resonance and bestow the gift of empathy. In fact one of the most interesting people I know has juggled his extreme highs and lows for seventy-odd years and has become a better friend, father, grandfather and husband because of it.

Using time wisely is not a new dilemma. In 65 AD Roman philosopher Lucius Annaeus wrote this to his friend Lucilius;

…hold every hour in your grasp. Lay hold of today's task, and you will not need to depend so much upon tomorrows. While we are postponing, life speeds by. Nothing… is ours, except time.

So, I am happy not to be the poster-girl for ‘Work-Life Balance’. Instead I try to cast off that gnawing, needy voice in my head that says I’m not doing all I can! I firmly believe that it is less of a balancing act and more about fine-tuning; making constant minor adjustments. Most important of all, I am all about loving the moment I am in.