4 Tips for Reading Body Language

The body reveals what we are not saying about ourselves: our true desires, our deepest aspirations, our current moods, and how much we agree with what is being said or what is happening. Body decoding is fundamental if we want to connect and communicate about our emotions and intention, which we sometimes restrain (rightly or wrongly) and which we sometimes ignore by lying to ourselves.

In all of our interactions, we communicate through two channels: the verbal channel, which is summed up in verbal expressions and the non-verbal channel, which is reflected mainly by our bodily attitudes and facial expressions. As a result, we send and receive two distinct types of messages at the same time. If we don’t pay enough attention to one, or favour one over the other, we risk missing an important message and therefore we might get misinterpreted or misinterpret the other person.

This misinterpretation, which is usually due to a poor or lack of reading of nonverbal language could be fatal and harm the future of a relationship, especially in the case of a conflict or an emblematic negotiation.

To make it easier for you to read body language during a conversation, here are 4 tips that can help you better understand what the other person is truly saying.

Tip 1: BE ATTENTIVE

For one reason or another, and in the middle of a conversation, some people focus their attention on reading a document or checking their phone and in this case, they risk misunderstanding the person in front of them because they didn't bother to watch their body language.

In general, nuances of meaning in words are communicated primarily through body language and the intonation of the voice.

Pay attention and observe every detail because the movements of the body often reveal the real message.

Tip 2: IDENTIFY THE REFERENCE STATE

The baseline state or behaviour is like a safeguard that will prevent you from making misinterpretations. It is about observing the behaviour of your interlocutor when he/she is in a relaxed state away from any stress and pressure.

Why is this important? Simply to avoid misinterpreting a gesture, which does not seem to you to be consistent with the conversation especially if, by chance, the person in front of you has a gestural habit, that is to say it is part of their normal behaviour; like scratching their nose or head, or playing with their hair.

Tip 3: CONSIDER THE CONTEXT

The context changes the meaning of body language. If with the same interlocutor, you move from an informal (friendly) context to a formal one (professional for e.g), their behaviour will automatically change according to their position and status. In this case, it will be necessary to perceive it differently and adapt its interpretation according to the new context.

Example: if a friend who is usually very empathetic and talkative becomes very calm and sensible, it does not necessarily mean that he/she is disinterested in what you are saying.

Tip 4: DETECT THE INCONGRUENCE

We do not decode a gesture; we decode a set of gestures and their coherence with the words.

Observing the inconsistencies between the verbal and the non-verbal is a fundamental rule in reading body language.

Indeed, it all starts with intention, then the body reacts, complex thoughts are formed, and finally they are verbalized.

All you have to do is compare what is being said and what you observe!

What we need to focus on the most are gestures of discomfort that create distance reflecting a need for protection or flight:

- Watch the feet! They are among the most reliable elements during an observation. The way they point reveals if you are comfortable with the conversation or if they want it to end.

- Shielding oneself by creating a barrier in front of the torso that encloses the vital organs and that the limbic system will want to protect.

- If you notice repetitive nose micro-scratchings and a recess when sinking into the chair for example, then it doesn’t smell right!

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