How do you overcome common pitfalls in developing self-awareness?

It's natural and human to want to protect ourselves from a perceived threat, especially in the corporate world where we feel constantly judged and evaluated, where our future depends also on outside perception. But it is crucial for leaders to adopt a growth mindset, i.e. to flip their narrative and see their work as part of their personal growth too. So making mistakes is part of the process of growing and evolving. Being honest with yourself, forgiving yourself for being human and a work in progress, learning from it, are the biggest gifts you can give your present and future self

This is one of those "easy to say difficult to do" situations. The challenge here is that most people lack the maturity required to recognise their own lack of self-awareness. The statistics are worrying with over 95% of people stating that they have high self awareness with the reality being closer to 30% that actually do. And there is the failing of this idea - it is the difference between the 30 and the 95 that this is aimed at - to be honest with themselves, but lack the capacity to do so.

One thing I’ve found helpful is the importance of creating a “safe” culture where all members feel they are seen, their opinions matter and they are heard.

Hire a coach. There are many true and good intentions in these comments, but the reality is, it is rare that individuals can consistently have the required objectivity about themselves to be able to win over their automatic and unconscious behaviour.

One of my mentors told me this, “You cannot see the picture when you are in the frame.” We are mostly blind to our blind spots because these are not in our area of strengths or giftedness. We need to rely on others to help us see in our blind spots, and that requires vulnerability. To grow in self-awareness, we must grow in vulnerability, being ready to admit our weaknesses and failures, being ready to be humble, and enlist the help of others. These could be our coaches, mentors, close friends and family. In addition, subscribe to continually grow and develop ourselves. Leaders must intentionally grow to increase their awareness. Keep your curiosity and ask the right questions to help you grow, and stay in a growth environment.

Leading with humility is not about beating yourself up for the "stupid" thing you said, but about understanding that you don't know what you don't know. Being open and curious about being a better human first and leader second (they are mutually exclusive!)

In my experience those with a high level of humility are also the quietly self-confident. Humility is the desire to do the right thing - not necessarily the desire to be right. When people are confident that what they are proposing is the "right thing" their self-confidence is raised also. Self confidence with out humility is just ego making a noise.

Humility is often linked to vulnerability and revealing your weaknesses. However, it is also about the ablity to let go of your own stand, acknowledging other's experience to understand their lenses and what part of that answers the problem at hand.

The goal is having quiet confidence about your proven strengths while remaining open to opportunities for growth. This involves capitalizing on abilities where you excel, while also admitting where you struggle and rely on others. Staying attuned to blindspots requires vulnerability and self-compassion. The benefit of this balanced self-belief is understanding both your superpowers and growth areas. This discernment allows you to take charge when appropriate, and support team members when needed. While challenging, keeping ego in check while still believing in yourself facilitates authenticity, learning, and maximizing your leadership contributions.

I do not believe you can have "too much humility" -- this article misses what true humility is and makes it more like poor self image, weakness, and/or timidity. In the end, humility is truth. Adapting a quote (attributed to various people depending on where you find it.) "Humility is NOT thinking less of yourself... it is thinking of yourself less."

There are two stoic principles that contribute to this: 1 Don't complain - it is rare to come across a complaint that lacks emotion. 2 limit the opinions you chose to hold. Having an opinion is a choice and is it really that important, that you are going to chose to expend precious time energy and emotion on it?

Managing your emotions is a tough one. I worked with clients up for promotion whose only issue was to become more "emotionally mature". It takes time, it requires sincere humility and the desire to change, for yourself first and for the sake of better communication second.

I’ve had clients who experience challenging emotions and thought they needed to make their emotions somehow disappear. They would share, “I need to get rid of that feeling when this happens” or “It’s a bad feeling” in judgment of themselves. Instead of trying to make a challenging emotion go away or disappear, quietly acknowledge it as the first step to not acting on it. In this way, one can begin to “hold” the emotion and have it present while not having it dominate behavior. If helpful, make a written note to be able to see it and know it’s there. And in some situations, it’s acceptable to share the emotion, for example, saying “This is frustrating” and why without acting it out. Yet this would only be done to advance a discussion.

Own the pause. If you’re feeling triggered, take time to pause. Take as long as you need. -draft a response and save it for later -go for a walk -take a few deep breaths -ask yourself, will this still bother me a week from now? A month from now? A year from now? Learn to take a pause and a cooling period before responding.

Be aware of how you are feeling, and where you are experiencing it in your body. Acknowledging it like you acknowledge a fact, helps you become stronger and more in-control. Ask yourself, why am I feeling this? Is this in relation to something that's happened (a stimulus) that could become a pattern, or something that's a replay of the past (a trigger). Or, is this just a one-off. Then plan for how to mitigate. E.g. knowing you get sluggish and tired after a full carb-heavy meal, and then depressed means that you can plan against that stimulus by eating a different meal on that day, or your food in a different order. Knowing something is an issue from your past, e.g. dealing with certain characters, means you take steps to heal trauma.

As leader we have become so accustom to evaluating the performance of those we manage while neglecting to evaluate our own performance. 360° evaluations are great tools that should be incorporated into every leaders performance reviews, helping to inform how we are actually received by other and make our self-reflection more effective.

Regular self-reflection involves introspecting and gaining a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This practice aids in developing self-awareness and personal growth. It allows you to recognize patterns, identify triggers, and make informed choices. By honestly reflecting on your experiences, you can uncover underlying motivations and work towards positive changes.

Self-awareness is crucial to being the best leader we can be. When we have insight into our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can recognize those same feelings and behaviors in others and areas where we may need to grow and develop. We don't simply react, but respond with understanding. This builds trust and psychological safety in the team and an environment where people feel empowered to thrive and do their best work.

Reflection is not a given, leaders need to learn how to do it well, how to do it regularly. Like anything else, you get better at it with time, you commit.to.it when it's meaningful.

Self-reflection is a continuous process and it is important to approach self-reflection with honesty, compassion, and a willingness to learn and improve. Here are some questions that can help you in the process of self-reflection: 1- What were my accomplishments and successes since the last time I reflected? 2- What were my challenges and failures? How did I handle them? What did I learn from them? 3- What are my values and priorities? Am I living in alignment with them? 4- How have my thoughts, emotions, and behaviours influenced my recent experiences? 5- How have my interactions with others been? Have I been a positive influence? 6- What have I learned about myself recently? Has my self-awareness grown?

Stop personalizing everything. And stop making assumptions. Self-awareness means we learn to stop thinking everything is about us and we learn to stop assuming a situation is something that it is not. It is what it is, and becoming self-aware is a lifelong journey. The hardest leadership role on this planet is to become self-aware. We all have an ego and when we become self-aware we learn what conditions trigger our ego. When we know our egos triggers we have moved into being enlightened and can lead from a place of true humility and authenticity. We can lead through true self-awareness.

I’ve learned that self awareness doesn’t originate from myself. Consistently associating with trustworthy people who are more talented, experienced, and intelligent - and who are willing to “speak truth to power” - has been the most effective way to learn about my blindspots. All it requires from me is to listen and be teachable.

Self-awareness doesn’t just come from our cognitive thoughts and cephalic brain but from our other centres of intelligence & it’s important we have and use this awareness. Within mBraining, awareness (which is a catalyst to change) comes from considering our cognitive, emotional, and our intuitive awareness too. This holistic self-understanding, aides emotional regulation and decision-making & deeper self-understanding which aligns with purpose, passion, & values and within leadership this integration of our inner self promotes empathetic, intuitive, and balanced decision-making, as well as enabling us as leaders to connect deeply, inspire others, and navigate complex situations effectively.

I find the biggest obstacles to a truly helpful practice of self-awareness are our own expectations and judging ourselves against those. We learn and train in what a good leader should feel, think, say and do. And we try to squeeze ourselves into that mould. The foundation for self-awareness however is to see 'nakedly', without the veils of these expectations and judgements. To get started, just take one minute, relax and ask yourself "What is it like to be me right now?" What's happening in your body? What are the thoughts cruising through your awareness? What is the mood, the emotional tone? Hold space for yourself as you would for a dear friend, and get to know yourself as you really.

Self-awareness can be regarded as the gap that exists between the way we see ourselves and how others do. Having the courage and vulnerability to ask others how they perceives us, our behaviors and actions, we can illuminate how that gap looks and create the necessary awareness.