How do you maintain your composure during heated family discussions?

Uma ótima forma de lidar com situações adversas é identificar e nomear os sentimentos, para isso, é importante que você se conheça e desenvolva a inteligência emocional. Em situações de conflito, procuro tomar um tempo para respirar e pensar em formas diferentes de lidar com a mesma situação até conseguir me orientar e agir.

Understanding that there are many points of view and that it is possible many have merit will help you maintain your balance. Have compassion for the passion of others and know that every argument is not winnable, and only a very select few are worth the fight.

I excuse myself, I walk away and then I take it to God in prayer. Often I include taking a walk while in prayer, while talking with God. My faith is my anchor.

I feel as if Rudyard Kipling was at the Thanksgiving table and politics came up when he said, "If you can keep your wits about you while all others are losing theirs, and blaming you... The world will be yours and everything in it." Yes, staying centered and keeping cool is part of it, but listening is also key. Arguments are much shorter and more diffused when you take the time to try and truly understand where the other person is coming from. Try to see the topic through their eyes and you may find the clarity you need to find compromise.

It is all depending on the concept of family. Being aware of your rooted feeling of belonging to that group which called family is one of the most strong factors to help in maintaining your composure during heated family discussion. Secondly you need to be always careful and respectful toward each one from the family members during a heated discussion in which you maintain the consideration about the position of the family member so, you keep your reactions in the limits like in case of talking to the parents and so forth down to the youngest family member. Each position has its own place of care and respect accordingly to whom you are talking with. Emotional intelligence is highly needed especially in the situation of weakness.

Listen to understand… not to offer a response or retort. Too often when someone talks to us, we are not listening to what they’re saying, we are crafting in our minds what our response will be.

Stephen Covey said it best, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." This involves being empathetic towards others which is often easier said than done. However, with practice it gets easier!

In my experience, I realize at the end of the day the only thing I want is for the situation to be right. That does not mean that I will always be right or that the other person will always be right, but if we can agree upon wanting the same resolution -for things to be right at the end of the discussion- then we can agree to not only hear each other, but “listen” with the intent to understand, and then we can collectively aim for a proper way to resolve our issues.

Active listening is key! Too often we only listen to respond instead of listening to comprehend and understand. Active listening requires you to take a moment to think about the other person’s point of view and sometimes when you imagine yourself in their shoes you may actually discover common ground!

A escuta ativa parte também da compreensão de que cada pessoa se comunica e se expressa de uma forma única. Alguns mais objetivos, outros mais prolongados. Além disso, a empatia e o respeito são fundamentais, principalmente diante de um cenário complexo de discussões que envolvem diferenças sociais, políticas ou geracionais, por exemplo.

Em todas as interações humanas e, principalmente, no ambiente corporativo, se faz muito necessário manter a calma. Esse é o pilar para uma resolução de conflitos eficaz e que não ultrapasse os limites do profissionalismo. Organizar nossos pensamentos e argumentos antes de falar, ponderar o tom de voz e agir de forma racional, prática e objetiva, nos ajuda a focar nos fatos e não nas emoções. Essas ações combinadas com a escuta ativa deixam qualquer gestão de conflito mais leve e humanizada.

Don't be afraid and be calm, it's always easier said than done, but try it. Especially in private environments, is it harder to stay calm or to keep your voice calm. But everyone knows it, one word leads to the next and until you know it you have an aggressive and tilted mood, instead of a calm dialogue. So, stay calm, listen actively, and ask questions. Then give a calm and direct answer. Don't be afraid to convey your feelings either. If possible, use sentences like those mentioned in the intro - "I think..", "I feel..", "I would..", "I guess.." -Especially in a family environment, it is easy to offend someone, consciously or unconsciously. You know each other too well. That's the reason to stay calm, even if it hurts.

I would have to agree that remaining calm is easier said than done. But it is important to remember that when we choose to "fight" we tend to say and do things that we don't mean. This can cause even bigger issue and create resentment. Remember to stay calm and express your feelings in way that the other party will understand, consider not only your feelings but the other parties feelings as well.

En una discusión familiar es importante no caer en la provocación de quien inicia el conflicto, es mejor tomar calma y escuchar lo que tienen que decir, sobre eso poder dar una respuesta o dar una perspectiva propia para llegar a un acuerdo. Se tiene que trabajar mucho en la escucha activa.

Para se expressar com calma, é essencial desenvolver a inteligência emocional, que inclui reconhecer e regular suas emoções (autoconsciência e autocontrole), e praticar empatia para entender a perspectiva do outro. Técnicas como respiração profunda ajudam a evitar reações impulsivas. Além disso, utilizar habilidades de comunicação eficazes, como ouvir ativamente e falar de forma clara e assertiva, sem julgamentos, e manter a confiança em sua capacidade de lidar com a situação são cruciais para uma expressão calma e construtiva.

Pratique dizer "não" sem culpa ou necessidade de justificativas extensas. Um "não" claro e respeitoso é uma ferramenta poderosa para manter seus limites.

Estabelecer limite é algo difícil em toda conversa acalorada. Por isso, é recomendável sempre aguardar os ânimos baixarem para que possam conversar em tom moderado e de forma respeitosa. Adiar não significa fugir do embate quando se trata de pontos de vista diferentes. Mas, elaborar os sentimentos e organizar as ideias do que pretendem dizer, sem imposição ou agressividade.

How do you set your boundaries when you're stuck in a heated argument? Honestly, it's hard, at least the first few times. Let me tell you, it works, it takes practice, but it works. If it becomes too personal. Pause for a moment and then try in a calm voice, that it was just too violent. If it doesn't work at all, then don't be shy and break off the discussion and ask to discuss this later, calmly. This gives all parties time to think about what has been said. By this, you can clarify and explain things in another conversation and then work together on a solution.

This often comes with relationship building. I would assume that the first time you interact with someone you’re close to is not a heated discussion. If they respected the relationship, you’ve cultivated over the years, months, weeks, or however long, then they will know how to approach you. If they don’t respect you or if you’ve not set those boundaries, a heated discussion may not be the place to try to get your point across because you may not understand what’s the most effective way to communicate with this particular individual and for them to simultaneously receive what you’re saying if unknown boundaries are being crossed. In this case, I would suggest a third party who’s unbiased to step in and facilitate.

Quando sentimos que uma conversa está ficando mais intensa, quase se tornando uma briga, é importante se comunicar de maneira assertiva, mas calmamente, mostrando que certos tópicos ou tons não são aceitáveis. Ao definir esses limites, protegemos nossa paz interior e mostramos respeito por nós mesmos e pelos demais. Além disso, estabelecer limites ajuda a manter a discussão produtiva, focada em soluções e não em ataques pessoais. Limites saudáveis são a base de relações respeitosas e equilibradas.

This is what most rational people tend to do. In my opinion, it's the best way out. However, we must be careful because it affects other people. Sometimes people just want to be heard, not have a solution for everything. People feel good being able to complain, discuss, and voice their opinions. It's a fine line. Sometimes we shouldn't 'fix everything'.

Clearly, you don't have a discussion just for the fun of it. Well maybe some, but normally not. But no matter what it is about, it is important that the entire conversation comes to an end that is acceptable to all parties. There are topics that cannot be resolved with a short conversation, but some you can. When it comes to things like a broken car, spending too much money, or what you're eating tonight. You have a topic like “I’m coming out at home”. This may not have happened so quickly. But you can do this too.

Diplomacia sempre. Discussões fazem parte de um convívio familiar, mas não podem se tornar rotineiras. Buscar soluções nessas situações e promover aprendizados para evitar problemas semelhantes é fundamental.

Acredito que devemos gastar energias na busca de soluções e não da tratativa do problema. E normal as pessoas tratarem o problema, porém na maioria dos problemas o gasto de energia e tempo para falar do problema ou dificuldade não vai levar a lugar nenhum, vai continuar no mesmo lugar com o problema na mão. Dai acredito que o gasto de energia na busca constante de solução sempre será o melhor caminho, ele vai encontrar até soluções para outros problemas que ainda nem estava buscando a solução, desta forma ficará sempre no automático. A busca por soluções se tornará uma rotina agradável.

Em uma discussão familiar, redirecionar o foco para encontrar soluções práticas pode transformar o conflito em uma oportunidade de colaboração. Pergunte: “Como podemos resolver isso juntos?”. Isso pode acalma a situação, mas também fortalecer o senso de unidade e cooperação dentro da família.

Take a break, calm down and re-evaluate with a clear mind, communicate honestly and be open, listen to the other perspective too, both sides should compromise so it's a fair solution 🌿

As pausas podem reduzir a tensão emocional e permitir uma reflexão mais clara e calma. Esses intervalos proporcionam tempo para respirar fundo, acalmar emoções e evitar reações impulsivas que podem intensificar o conflito. Além disso, fica mais fácil considerar a perspectiva do outro lado, promovendo uma comunicação mais respeitosa e construtiva.

Taking a break in such situations can provide an opportunity to reflect on the discussion as well as consider other viewpoints. Taking time away also helps to organize and clarify thoughts. And most importantly, pausing a conversation can prevent it from escalating into a heated argument. Overall, a break can take you a long way.

I would have to say that knowing when to walk away is one of hardest things one can do. When we get into heated discussions whether its with family or friends we tend to get in moment. Doing this can cause these discussions to turn into "fights" where parties are just taking turns being harsh to one another. It's really important that if you are feeling anger then "take a break" or walk away. No resolution will be found if everyone is angry and is speaking out of hurt.

É comum que muitas vezes as discussões evoluam para uma teia de assuntos que até se distanciam do tema inicial. Trata-se apenas do discutir por discutir, sem foco. Fazer uma pausa, respirar e analisar antes de se posicionar é uma estratégia para evitar desgastes maiores.

I go to the same thing that is recommended in the workplace. Don't assume I know what others are thinking. Don't put words in others mouths. Share my observations and feelings. Be open-minded. And, remember, that at the end of the day we all need to show compassion and we probably all have the same goals even if we try to manifest them differently.

Highly recommend Kate Murphy’s book, You’re Not Listening. Great reminders for more effective listening that builds relationships.

It’s also important to set your intentions on creating a positive exchange. It is very possible to be agreeable even when we disagree. That starts with our personal demeanor and tone and remembering not to let someone else’s body language and responses have the power to shift our mood! Stay lifted!!

Focar em expressar sentimentos em vez de culpar pode auxiliar o rumo da conversa. Use declarações como “eu sinto” em vez de “você fez”. Por exemplo, “Eu me sinto frustrado quando isso acontece” ao invés de “Você sempre faz isso”. Essa abordagem reduz a defensividade e promove uma comunicação mais empática, ajudando a manter a compostura e a resolver o conflito de forma mais positiva.