How can you use communication skills to get what you want?

Communication skills are essential for achieving your personal and professional goals. Whether you want to persuade, negotiate, influence, or inspire others, you need to communicate effectively and confidently. In this article, you will learn how to use communication skills to get what you want in different situations.

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1 Know your purpose

Before you start any conversation, you need to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and why. Your purpose will guide your tone, style, and content of your communication. For example, if you want to ask for a raise, you need to prepare a convincing case that shows your value and contribution to the organization. If you want to resolve a conflict, you need to focus on finding a common ground and a win-win solution. Knowing your purpose will help you communicate with clarity and direction.

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2 Listen actively

Communication is not only about speaking, but also about listening. Listening actively means paying attention to what the other person is saying, showing interest, asking questions, and reflecting back what you heard. Active listening helps you understand the other person's perspective, needs, and emotions. It also builds rapport and trust, which are essential for getting what you want. By listening actively, you can identify the key points, concerns, and opportunities in any conversation.

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Jahleane Dolne

Founder of The Postgrad Playbook®
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Active listening will also allow you to tailor your approach so that you can keep the wants, needs, and priorities of the other party top of mind. When I worked in corporate sales and would sell to executive clients, I would make sure to truly understand their pain points and highlight how our solution could help them.

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3 Adapt your style

Different situations and audiences require different communication styles. You need to adapt your style according to the context, the goal, and the relationship you have with the other person. For example, if you want to persuade a potential client, you need to use a formal and professional style that showcases your expertise and credibility. If you want to motivate a friend, you need to use a friendly and supportive style that expresses your empathy and encouragement. Adapting your style will help you connect with the other person and tailor your message to their needs and preferences.

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4 Use positive language

The words you use can have a powerful impact on how the other person responds to your communication. Using positive language means choosing words that convey optimism, respect, and cooperation. Positive language helps you create a positive impression, avoid misunderstandings, and overcome resistance. For example, instead of saying "You are wrong", you can say "I see it differently". Instead of saying "That's impossible", you can say "That's challenging". Using positive language will help you communicate with confidence and positivity.

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5 Ask for feedback

Feedback is an important part of communication, as it helps you measure your effectiveness and improve your skills. Asking for feedback means seeking the other person's opinion, evaluation, or suggestion on your communication. Feedback can help you understand how the other person perceived your message, what they liked or disliked, and what they want or expect from you. Asking for feedback will help you communicate with openness and humility.

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6 Follow up

The last step of communication is to follow up with the other person, especially if you want to get what you want. Following up means checking in with the other person, confirming the outcome, or taking the next action. Following up helps you show your commitment, accountability, and professionalism. It also helps you reinforce your message, address any issues, or celebrate any achievements. Following up will help you communicate with consistency and reliability.

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Jahleane Dolne

Founder of The Postgrad Playbook®
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In my experience, following up meaningfully is crucial to getting past the finish line. However, you don't want to send messages that say "just following up" repeatedly. Instead, follow up with some additional value that helps your case and had not been previously discussed so that you don't risk inconveniencing the other party.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Maria N. Papacosta

I develop leaders & speakers into impactful personal brands. Speaker Manager working with elite keynote speakers | Leadership Presence Coach & Researcher | Personal Branding Strategist | Presenting with Influence Expert
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Practice makes perfect, but observation is critical in identifying gold nuggets and areas for improvement. Here's a fun and easy exercise that may help you. Choose a public setting – a park, café... Instead of actively participating in conversations, observe the interactions around you while remaining silent. Pay close attention to body language, facial expressions, and nonverbal cues. As you watch, try to decipher the unspoken messages, emotions, and dynamics at play. This exercise helps you develop a heightened sensitivity to nonverbal communication, which is a crucial aspect of effective communication. Over time, this practice will translate into improved awareness of your own nonverbal cues and a better ability to read others.

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Andra C.

Senior Recruitment Specialist | Ready to Land Your Next Freelance Project? 👉 Drop a DM
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5 takeaway from the book Magic Words: ↳ 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧. Certainty has a high impact and is persuasive. ↳ 𝐔𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. Clearly, absolutely, certainly, undeniable, precisely. Definite words build trust. ↳ 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞. When you hedge you seem unsure about your expertise and the value you bring. ↳ 𝐃𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. Switch erm, mm, uh with a thinking pause. Filler words make you look uncertain while pausing is associated with confidence. ↳ 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐲. Instead of ‘This might not work’ say what it takes to make it work eg ‘These things have to happen for it to work’.

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How can you use communication skills to get what you want?

1

2

3

4

5

6

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1 Know your purpose

2 Listen actively

3 Adapt your style

4 Use positive language

5 Ask for feedback

6 Follow up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Personal Development

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How can you use communication skills to get what you want?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Know your purpose

2 Listen actively

3 Adapt your style

4 Use positive language

5 Ask for feedback

6 Follow up

7 Here’s what else to consider

Personal Development

Rate this article

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